Its funny really. When you live day to day, thinking everything's going to be alright in the end. That the one person you've liked for the past four years is finally going to notice you. That you will finally get the marks your parents want in school. That you will finally make something of yourself. Find something your good at. Finally decide on what you're going to do. Finally...
But of course, things never work out the way you want. They work out the way they're supposed to. Meaning, you probably won't like the outcome. Not that there will be anything you can do about it. Complaining only ever manages to annoy the people around you. Who of course, miraculously, ended up getting everything they ever wanted. Well, maybe not everything, but close enough.
And then, to have your crush find the love of their life the same day you are subjected to watching your roomate have a full blown make out session with her new boyfriend. Added to that, you just failed that big midterm you had studied your a** off for. Wow. That's got to be one hell of a day. Want to know what could make it worse? Remember how you've always wanted that special person to notice you? Well, they have. Or rather, they did. They've 'noticed' you that first day you met. And right before that year just past, they even knew you liked them. They've known all this time, and couldn't be bothered to say anything. No. And when they've finally found someone they're happy with, they decide that perhaps it is time to bring it up. To rub it in like salt to a wound. Of course, they didn't mean to do it on purpose. At least not to be hurtful. No, they did it out of a sudden need to apologize. Apologize for ignoring you for all those years. Apologize, not pity. Of course not. But then again, you end up feeling damned shitty either way.
So now, all your friends are paired up. Your roomate had been the last one. So what do you do now? Sit back and just watch them make out? Talk about boring. If not irritating and completely inconsiderate. They know about what happened of course. They're your 'friends', so of course they're going to know what happened between you and that 'supposidly special someone'. Do they care? Of course they do. They just don't show it. Or perhaps they're showing their sympathy by burying their 'obvious' pain in their lover's mouths. That works. But what do you know right?
If you think about it carefully though... does it really matter? In the end... your friends are happy. The one you've always liked is happy. Everyone's happy. Except you. But does it really matter? Perhaps its not so bad. Taking joy in the joy of others. Sure, it would be a hell of a lot better if you were one of those joyful ones. But what can you do. Except wait. Wait and hope. Hope that you'll get over the past crush. Past what you are so sure you feel for them. And perhaps, if you are patient enough, another will come along and sweep you off your feet. Much like the first. And perhaps this time. This time you'll have a chance. Have the courage. Have the...
 D i c h o t i c · Wed Mar 01, 2006 @ 12:32am · 2 Comments |
