so i got into another fight with yumi.and of croswe the only way to relief this problem is by wirteing.ok if anyones reading this i really dont give a s**t.
ok so im making sense of this in my mind.
yumi si growing up i have no problem with that i support all of her hard work to do what she wants.she has all the rights to do what she wants she has ever reason to go for gold.i said it to her and everyone else befor.I SUPPPORT HER 110% and possibly more.what shes NOT UNDERSTANDING is the fact that im upset still trying to work this out...
origonally she said she be gone a month possibly two...I was ok,i was fine i was trying to be strong for myself and for her.but i still have my damn opinons.SHe soon told me how she wnated to be STUDENT OF THE YEAR theres the key word that sent me in to a frantic panic.But not just that.me and yumi have been going on and off for 3 years.and i got even more scared because I DIDNT WANT US TO BRAKE UP OR FIGHT.I was frightened becuse she was disappering more...
I UNDERSTOOD SHE WAS SICK.
No human can help that,it takes time i understand everything about that.
but i got scraed becuse i was looking at a dark road retraveled a thousand times...all ive taken to many times because of brake ups with her...i just paniced and paniced.
THE MEDICACATION.
i just stared to retake my pills and it starts up a active part in my brain which as a side effect it sneds me into what is like mood swings.i shivered i cryed and i onc e again PANICED.i cant help my fear to lose yumi or anyone else for that matter,could you?
HISTORY.
my history with yumi has been the best of the last 3 years.she stole my heart and she can crush it and kill me at any time.the only reason i stayed n gaia for so long was her,if you havnt noticed when shes on i am on.When shes off im not on at all.ITS NOT THE FACT I DONT LIKE ANYONE ELSE! but she is everythign i want in a girl,astubborn,beatuful,careing girl who any male would be prasied and more then lucky to have.
REALLY?
could you sit there and read this and tell me im not right to anic?.if yes then read these key factors why im panicing still.
-ive lost her befor
-im seeing less of her e-mails and p.m.'s
-im on medication which sends shivers,jitters and mood swings throguth my brain and body.
-I JUST FOUND OUT SHE MAY HAVE A HEART PROBLEM! (wtf im freaking out becuse if she dies,then i will lose feeling sand i know for a damn fact i whont have emtions for a long time!)
-shes changed
-she has my heart in her hands.
this list could go on forever why im ******** freaking out right now!...please god just...bring her back...go dive done so much for that girl and ive scrafised os much to be with her...I just want my kaitlyn to message me or soemthing ever other day or anything to be in contact with her...ut i knew this was gonna happen...
YUMI IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR DOWN.
look what i was tyring to get you to understand is that....
...Im scared to lose you....again...for the 30th time.Im not ready for you to leave again im not healed form the last 5 times we foguth and broke up!....i cant trust that you will elave or that you whont!,i cant because you keep doing so and im scared every day now after the last time we broke up over another girl.im not ready to lsoe you i cant...please please understand this and come back home. please yumi...TALK THIS OUT....please...
ILL GIVE YOU TIME NEEDED.
but please....please dont give up all this for northing...
IN MY OPINON.
i dotn belive your old enoguh to eb rgown up.you should wait atleats another year to work on everything hel yumi your to young to start working at your age in my case,your making a biger mistake ltting all the fun go away....hell goout with a few friends i dont care but your gonna be just upset as everyone else who tryed this and if you giving up on me then damn it atleast learn to grow up and call when you can to say it to my face.IF YOU CANT DO THAT then you havnt grown up at all yet.in any case if we did brake up the grown up thing to do is to call me to say it to my face.....not that i want you to brake up with me....mabye you have....i dont know i just....
I LOVE YOU.
i just wnat to talk this out ok?...im upset and im stressed,and im firghtened and damn it all i just am because of you...IVE TOLD YOU this was coming and it willl every onc ein a while i told you from the begging.
I NEVER ASKED FOR YOU TO CAE FOR ME.
I get upset you could of turned me away.but you know what afeter what you said forgot it ill never tyr to ask my girlfriend for her love and comfort to tell me im gonna be fine!.i whont ever ask anyone to lend me there hsoulder,IN FACT I NEVER ASKED ANYONE FOR HELP OR A SHOULDER when i was upset someone knew and they WANTED TO HELP.i have done northing worng here....hell ive even helped you without you asking.
WHATS WRONG WITH ASKING FOR HELP OR ACCEPTING IT?
tell em why is it thta your so stubborn even when someone offers to help comfort you,you do not accept it.EVERYONE OF EVERY AGE NEEDS HELP SOMETIMES.there is nrothing wrong with ti you'll fidn this otu by reading this ro ven if you havnt you will someday.
CAN YOU BLAME ME FOR CRYING OUT?
after everything you read,not just yumi but everyone
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