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I have never been more depressed in my life. Except for when my dad died. Me and Jerami are together now, but still. I see Joe. I talk to Joe. I miss Joe. I still love Joe. I am trying so very hard not to feel this way. It kills me inside. I really want to die. The only reason I haven't already killed myself is because I want to have children so badly. I feel like if I did die, I would be killing them as well. I cried myself to sleep earlier. I texted Joe earlier and we talked about how I felt. He says that it will get better. I don't think it will. Then I started crying... Now I'm up at one in the morning waiting for Jerami to call because I really need to talk to him. He is tired. We won't talk long but I asked so he says he is going to call. He told me he loved me today. I cried. I told him I wanted to die today. He got depressed.