"It won't hurt for long." He pulled my panties off and leaned over me,looking at the tool he'll use to cause me sweet pain. I bit my lip when i felt the cold steel press on the skin just below my belly. I bit my lip even harder and clenched his shirt as he slid the blade across;blood trailed after. "Now,was that so bad?" he smiled and kissed me then brought the razor to my inner thigh and sliced it swiftly. I squealed. "Do you want me to stop?" Jared was so sweet and concerned about my comfort. Though I've cut my arms so much,I have become numb to the pain i long for."I'm Fine." I finally replied. He went on cutting and slicing away at me,careful not to cut too deep. He continued higher and higher on my stomach and stopped right above my breasts. Jared sat up and looked at my blood drenched body."You might need a shower or something..." He got up and set the bloody razor on his desk. I laid there a while,letting the pain set in a little more,the slits stung and i didn't really want to move so i stayed a bit longer,and when the wounds felt a little more numb and warm,not stingy I got up and into the bathroom. I could feel Jared's regret and second thoughts fill the room. In the shower,I gently and carefully rubbed my fingers on the cuts as the warm water ran down my back. It burned too much to face to the acid. I returned to Jared. He was sitting on the edge of his bed and seemed to be thinking. The bed was stained with my blood,he hadn't changed the sheets yet. "Jared." I was quiet so i wouldn't frustrate his thoughts yet he still turned to me in attention then looked back down."Are you ok?" I asked. "Are YOU ok?"he answered with a question that panicked me. I sat with him."Yes,I'm pretty OK..."
"Why would you have me do something like this?"
"I thought you wanted to.."
"It's not that Bunny.."
"Then what?"
"I thought it was rly sexy,but that should only be for my imagination..and i thought..if this really happened then one of us must me crazy."
"So I'm crazy?"
"No, I wouldn't really think so it's just.........when you told me why you wanted to..and what you do to yourself. It makes me ask...why."
"Why does there have to be a reason?"
"Bunny come one! Don't do this! I'm your best friend...talk to me."
I looked at him,and became teary but wiped my eyes. "Well..."
"I just..." I distracted myself from the nervousness and focused on the color of the pinkish bluish wall. "I'm really..." I searched for a right word. "Depressed." I guessed.
"Because..." Jared was eager to hear it all. "Because of...Jeremy...and everything...I feel..like s**t...like i'm just a whore to satisfy him...to satisfy his friends."he listened intensely.
"I hate myself...I hate being a girl and being so vulnerable and weak!" I started crying and no matter how much i fought the tears,they just poured out and there was nothing i could do."I SCREAMED! Jared! I BEGGED him!" I hid my ugly face and cried hard,Jared put his hand on my shoulder."But..mo i thought you never had sex...your a virgin.."
"I am...technically...."
"Tell me." He was trying to be calm,I could tell.
"He'd just touch me....he made me touch him and then he forced me to suck him...and he forced me to stay still...when he gave me oral.When I turned 13..he was the first to anally rape me,then his friends,now he's telling everyone about it...I HATE myself! I'm so ugly! I hate my body! It's all my fault! I just can't help it...Jared...he would make me c**..even if i didn't want to...i liked it..LOVED it...even a**l."
"So,you cut yourself..to destroy yourself?"
"...Yes."he hugged me as i cried..and i think he cried a bit too. When I was done,and i couldn't breath he told me that im beautiful,and Jeremy's the ugly monster..and that he loved me.
 BunnXiLove · Sat Feb 28, 2009 @ 02:45am · 0 Comments |
