i never was any good at keeping these things. hmmm where to start. well highschool is going well. i've managed to get distinguished honor roll the first marking period and i hope to get it the rest of the year so i can get a letter for my letter jacket. not that i have one so it's kind of pointless. other than school, things have been depressing and confusing. first for the confusing: i know who my soul mate is and i love him with all my heart and he loves me with all of his. i can hear it in his voice when he tells me. but lately i've been hanging out with a new friend a lot and he reminds me so much of my love. they act and speak exactly the same. it scares me because it's for this reason i think i'm attracted to him; he reminds me of my love. it's all so confusing and i do not know what to do. since i do not know what to do and i am so confused i get very depressed. i do not like being confused. i like to know exactly what's going on 'cause that's the way i roll. so i've been very depressed for i am confused and also many things seem to just be bringing me down. i havn't felt this bad in months. i have gotten back into my bad habits again: cutting, crying, writing poems about death. i guess the last two are not that bad...but i hear the first one is. i don't see why. it releases chemicals that give you like a natural high so it makes me happy. that's why i do it. that and i like the pain. does this make me a bad peson? i nearly killed myself a few nights ago...i didn't even notice it had gone so deep and i was going down the road not across the street so i like got right into the blood vessel right there. then i passed out for a few minutes after bandaging it up. it sucks that i have gym. since we're not allowed to wear any jewelry i couldn't wear my cuffs or my armwarmers so everyone saw my bandage and kept asking me what it was. not like i could say it was my cat...to make matters worse, we're playing volleyball and everytime i went to bump the ball it hit right there. by the end of class i had started bleeding again. luckily i had brought my own bandaging crap so i wouldn't have ot go to the nurse. i don't think i'll be repeating the act for a while now...
goodness why did i write that in here.. sweatdrop
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My Escape
The portal between others, myself, and my mind.
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Well this certianly isn't something i LIKE to hear.
I'm not to sure of what to say, if it is even with in my right to speak upon this matter.
I must say that i wish you didn't have to cut yourself. It saddens me some to hear about this.
I want to tell you to listen to your heart upon this matter of love though. But also keep your mind open, because sometimes your heart might be wrong.
Think and love, like one.
Perhaps sometime, you can show me a bit of your poetry? and I you, for i write as well.
And i'd like to let you know, that even if i can't actually stop you from being depressed, and i cna't stop the blad from maring your skin, i am here for you, should you need me.
Please do no thesitate to seek me out, dear.
-Knives