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The insane Baka's thoughts

This is about me and my thoughts and what you can do to help. Sometimes.

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No effing title works WARNING: THIS MIGHT MAKE SOME PEOPLE ANGRY AND/OR UPSET!!! sighs I'm told that I was the cruel one. The one always attacking. But, I was never told that until JUST NOW. I never knew that. But, I was also being attacked a lot too. I would say something innocent, and then I would get yelled at and attacked. I never meant for any of this to happen. I was never told that there was a problem when there was a problem. I only learned when it was too late to fix it...I'm told that it would never work. But, that's a lie in my opinion. "Where there's a will, there's a way." None of you have any idea how much I've been hurt. A few know that recently, I've wanted nothing more to die. But even when those urges are gone, I'm still highly depressed. Twice I got my hopes up, and twice they were destroyed with the force of ten thousand hydrogen bombs. I freaking hate my life. If I'm continuing to hurt and get hurt, what's the point of life? I just want this effing nightmare to end already.......I want to take the easy way out...........

Posted by: Nathan Oukami Fri Jun 05, 2009 @ 10:27pm

Beware when day meets dark. Beware crossroads, where they skulk. They can lurk in fire's crackle and easily travel on sparks. Beware gloomy places among rocks, under things, down holes and caves and shafts of every kind, for the fey can slip along borders

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Harui_Cho
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Commented on: Sat Jun 06, 2009 @ 12:15am


	hugs gently What's going on Puppy? Can I help you feel better in any way?? You need to smile again...

Commented on: Sat Jun 06, 2009 @ 01:11am


	hugs tightly and cries Oh Ann.............

Nathan Oukami
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Harui_Cho
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Commented on: Sat Jun 06, 2009 @ 11:45pm


	hugs back and gives you tissue Puppy...........strokes hair You need to relax and undwind for a little bit. You're too stressed out. The rest while help you not feel as bad hopefully...

Commented on: Sat Jun 06, 2009 @ 11:48pm


	sighs and wipes tears away When I'm done being stressed out and suicidal, I'm still gonna be depressed...

Nathan Oukami
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Harui_Cho
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Commented on: Sat Jun 06, 2009 @ 11:55pm


	tucks you in bed and pats head Not necessairly. We could always distract you with fun so you don't notice anything or maybe something will come along that will make you happy again. Don't let yourself think negative thoughts Michael. Remember that we're all here to help you if you need to feel better.

Commented on: Sat Jun 06, 2009 @ 11:59pm


	looks away and sniffles Thanks......

Nathan Oukami
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Harui_Cho
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Commented on: Sun Jun 07, 2009 @ 12:02am


	wipes tears away Is there anything I can do to make you feel better or are you going to continue acting up?

Commented on: Sun Jun 07, 2009 @ 12:04am


	sighs Yes there is a way but you don't want to do it.

Nathan Oukami
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Harui_Cho
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Commented on: Sun Jun 07, 2009 @ 12:06am


	I'm sorry......Well, do you want to talk about your problems so maybe I can help you in some other way besides by what I refuse to give you?

Commented on: Sun Jun 07, 2009 @ 12:08am


	No because I'll end up getting mad at you and getting hurt again badly.

Nathan Oukami
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Nathan Oukami
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Commented on: Sun Jun 07, 2009 @ 12:13am


	You know who to talk to about how I feel. If i continue trying to tell you how I feel, I'll end up getting hurt by you again.

Commented on: Sun Jun 07, 2009 @ 12:15am


	After what I just heard, I think you need to see someone. Michael, get your priorities straight and stop doing what you're doing. You've let your life get out of control. I'm sorry, but I can't talk to you.

Harui_Cho
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Nathan Oukami
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Commented on: Sun Jun 07, 2009 @ 12:18am


	What? Stop being madly in love with you still? You have no idea what I've been doing. Or how I feel. And as you've said, you don't care.

Commented on: Sun Jun 07, 2009 @ 12:19am


	I'm not talking about that. I wanted to help you because I felt bad about that, but what I've heard from Brenda and what I've seen you doing makes me rethink that. You need to see someone or have something that can turn you into a good person before anyone worries about your love life.

Harui_Cho
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Nathan Oukami
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Commented on: Sun Jun 07, 2009 @ 12:22am


	sighs Fine. I'll figure out a better way to not be so stupid and build better defense barriers.

Commented on: Sun Jun 07, 2009 @ 12:30am


	What the heck are you talking about?

Harui_Cho
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Nathan Oukami
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Commented on: Sun Jun 07, 2009 @ 12:33am


	I don't know. I built walls around myself to protect myself from being hurt by you. Very stupid way of doing so. So tell me, what do YOU suggest I do? 'Cause I'm gonna go deaf at an early age long before I get over you.

Commented on: Sun Jun 07, 2009 @ 12:57am


	marriage counseling?

StellaLuna SkyWind
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Nathan Oukami
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Commented on: Sun Jun 07, 2009 @ 01:00am


	Couples counseling. We're not married.

Commented on: Sun Jun 07, 2009 @ 01:32am


	I suggest you LISTEN TO WHAT I'M SAYING INSTEAD OF BLATHERING ON ABOUT I SUBJECT I'M NOT EVEN ON for once. That's what I suggest. I'm not talking about how you feel about me. I'm talking about the rping mess that has absolutely nothing to do with me. It makes me sick to see what you put up. Actually, I feel worse than sick knowing there's more than just that mess up. I'm glad your rp hasn't actually started yet, because it is wrong and completely against God. How can you do something like that and honestly try to say you do this and this and this and God is just fine with who you choose to be???

Harui_Cho
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Nathan Oukami
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Commented on: Sun Jun 07, 2009 @ 03:16am


	sighs Okay. He's actually not fine with what I've been doing. I know that I need to stop a lot of what I've been doing. And with my new RP, the only thing I see wrong with it is Lust and Chastity in the bedroom constantly.

Commented on: Sun Jun 07, 2009 @ 04:23am


	is writing such a sin? god has blessed us with creativity and writing creatively is a blessing, so not using it to full extent is wasting a blessing. even if it public intimacy, it is a blessing form god. if it was real, then yes it would be wrong, but it's only writing. it's not real. it's something i learned. There nothing wrong with it. it's like saying because you got raped you've sinned. have i sinned because I was raped? no. i've been blessed with not being killed. it's a void filler. this writing is a stage. open and see it.

Anazu
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Crystan1990
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Commented on: Sun Jun 07, 2009 @ 04:32am


	applauds amen!

Commented on: Sun Jun 07, 2009 @ 04:38am


	ok. this seems to just be getting worse, and there is pointless attacking going on. I'd really like to help by talking to both of you together. i think it'd help a lot

StellaLuna SkyWind
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Nathan Oukami
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Commented on: Sun Jun 07, 2009 @ 05:07am


	Just so people know, just because God allows us to do something, does not mean that he approves of it. Or likes it. After all, people choose to kill other people and we know that He doesn't like that.

Commented on: Sun Jun 07, 2009 @ 08:08pm


	Not gonna add to this......I have my own viewpoint and arguements that can be contributed, but what the heck, if I talk, I'm not understood. If I'm silent, at least I'm not having a mess created around me about pointless things. @Baka: I'm sorry I can't do anything to help you. I can only do so much, and if you don't want to take what I can give you, then it's not my fault for not trying to help you as much as I can. Fyi, we're not even a couple, so there's no couples counseling needed. Remember that.

Harui_Cho
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Nathan Oukami
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Commented on: Mon Jun 08, 2009 @ 12:30am


	Y'know what? Fine! I'm not completely stupid! And Jordan explained why you dumped me, and yeah, I have every freakin' right to be mad at you! And I effing know we're not a couple dammit! You've made that painfully obvious.

Commented on: Mon Jun 08, 2009 @ 12:32am


	You just don't understand Ann. YOU are the problem. Read the journal again and think hard and read between the lines. You offer help, yes, and I'd gladly take that help were you not to also offer false hope!

Nathan Oukami
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Anazu
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Commented on: Mon Jun 08, 2009 @ 12:48am


	-hugs baka- he's not your rebound toy. and if you read the comments Taikiko suggested the counseling, not baka, so let that out. just because your not a couple doesn't meant that you can walk all over him like your doing. because all your doing now is being manipulative and mean. he's not your puppy, to drag around on a leash because you have nothing better to do. if you wanted a puppy, go find one, or someone else that will take your abuse. because i'm sure they'll lie to you and tell you that your right, when you are completely wrong

Commented on: Mon Jun 08, 2009 @ 01:03am


	sighs I've always been her puppy Anazu. I guess I always will. She can do what she wants to me if it helps her feel better. I don't care. I got used to this abuse a long time ago. Go ahead and take all your anger out on me Ann. Nothing's stopping you this time. You've broken me more than I imagined. What more can you do? Prove to yourself that you don't care about me anymore. You said I left you with no choice, but you always had a choice. Just, make me out to be the bad guy again.

Nathan Oukami
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Anazu
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Commented on: Mon Jun 08, 2009 @ 03:31am


	BULL MOTHER ****** st! snap out of it. this is called manipulation. she wants you to feel this way, fell bad, and you can't do that because your not the bad person here. you've done nothing wrong. it's like saying god was wrong for creating you. was he? Hell No he wasn't. snap out of it, you aren't her dog. you aren't her slave. she doesn't own you. you are your own person, and you're going to get happy again as soon as you put her behind you. even if it's just for a while, it's the only way you'll get better

Commented on: Mon Jun 08, 2009 @ 03:41am


	In a while I'll do my best.

Nathan Oukami
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Harui_Cho
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Commented on: Mon Jun 08, 2009 @ 09:09pm


	Anazu, I'm really glad you're so supportive of Michael. I'm hoping maybe you can help him where I've failed. I'm not going to explain anything or try doing anything to anger either of you if I can help it since I don't know what to do not to right now. But thank you for all you're doing, and hate me as hard as you can if it will do anyone some good, especially Michael.

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