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jsyk, this isn't gonna be tradition. Its just that today's Thursday, and I've been thinking a lot. (And the tiny wheels in my head HURT now)

I've come to several conclusions. Pretty much all of them are horrible. The first is that I shouldn't predict things. At Nutrition Break this morning, I ran a lotta errands for the teacher. When I was done and went to sit down, I said to Paul - because it had been around 20 minutes, the length of time we get - "When I sit down, the bell''s gonna ring." So I sat down, got all nice and comfy, and it rang. Go figure. Third block, towards the end of class, I was zipping up my binder slowly. "When I zip up my binder completely, the bell's gonna ring." Guess what happened? You guess it; it rang. But then, at lunch, I went to the other side of the school to my locker, as fast as I could so I could meet my people. Couldn't find 'em, they took off without me. So I walked around with an old friend for a bit until I saw them. I thanked him for keeping me company and started towards my people, saying that "I'll go see them, though they'll probably run." And guess what happened.

That brings me to my second conclusion: My people don't like me much. I don't know why. I mean, one girl - I don't actually count her as a friend, but she's in our circle - never really liked me, after our mutual friend invited me into their private gymnastics club thing or whatever (her fault, not mine). Ever since, Briget's always tried to ditch me, but Catherine still likes me. Or did, until Briget probably somehow convinced her otherwise. I think she still likes me, because she never acts against me, but goes with the flow. But she doesn't include me as much as she used to. Shay and Mel, from taekwondo, were actually my close friends at one point. Mel was actually my best friend once. Dunno what happened there, either. Manda's about the only person who truly likes me. We understand each other more than anyone else does (with the exception of Manda's brother; they're very open to each other, plus he lives with her.) and we have very like interests. She's my best friend. However, she goes with the flow, too. And she, like me, needs to be with people when in public. So I don't blame her. But I do wonder what goes on in their mind when, probably, Shay says, "Let's ditch Dezi." Maybe there's something about me that I never knew of.

Note, I gave my people different names for privacy.

My third conclusion is that there's something wrong with me. Maybe I'm retarded or something. Sometimes I feel like it, in the way that something's... off, not the way teens say "That's/you're/I'm retarded." Except for when in public, I like to be alone. I read books about drugs and rape. I wear black t-shirts on sunny days. I dunno. I've always been happy with the way I am, but now I'm wondering.

Now this isn't really a conclusion, but its still Thursday, and I'm still thinking. In science this year we're learning about atoms and shet. And though I don't understand it, I understand it. Don't ask. So though I believed before that we evolved from monkeys, but something must have put them there. Now, the molecules and stuff look more likely. (Don't kill me, Catherine and Sarah!) I'm officially atheist. Also, I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual. Sometimes I think of girls and I get a warm fuzzy feeling. Sometimes I think of guys and get a warm fuzzy feeling. I don't know if I could have a relationship with a girl, though. I try and picture it with my friends, and it doesn't work. It makes me sad.

So I'm a confused, atheist bisexual metalhead ginger with no real circle of friends who's probably retarded. Go figure. We all learn something every day.