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*The scene opens up with Chris walking down a hall, with a camera crew following close behind*
Chris: Weh-heh-helcome back ladies and gents, if you weren’t watching yesterday let me catch you up to speed, but before that you may be wondering why i’m in a hall instead of my lovely acoustic bathroom, simple, BECAUSE EVERYONE IN THIS F***ING HOUSE THINKS I’M CRAZY FOR TALKING TO THE BATHROOM CAMERA.
*Alexandra, who was walking down the hall stops for a moment*
Alexandra:......wait, there is a camera in the bathroom *In a Demonic voice* WHERE!
Chris: *ulp* um...in..the.....mirror...
Alexandra: BUT THAT MEANS THAT THERE’S FOOTAGE ON THERE OF ME...OF ME, GRAH.
*Alexandra slaps Chris so hard that he ends up flying into the opposite wall*
Alexandra: Jerk....
*Alexandra storms off in a huge huff and fuss*
Chris: it was in the bloody contracts, and speaking of........ bloody I may be internally bleeding at this point.
*Chris gets up, composes himself and continues to talk*
Chris: Thanks for telling me the bloody DEVIL was there, anyhow as I was saying due to my ‘condition’ we have a third host besides me and chef, Mr. Commentato-
Mr.C: That’s right Chris I’ll be here all the time from now on to add a bit of that commentatory zing to MadHouse.
Chris: Where the hell is that basta-Ah ha.
*Chris walks over to a nearby closet, opens it up and reveals Mr.C’s hiding spot.
Mr.C: Nooo i’ve been discovered, oh how’s it going Chris.
Chris: And they call me crazy, by the way is commentatory even a word?
Mr.C: Well let’s find out Chris.
*Mr.C reaches towards the screen and pulls a piece of paper into view*
Chris: The hell is that?
Mr.C: Why Chris, this is the script for episode 5 of Madhouse, and according to the spell check no comentatory is not a word.
Chris: Wait do you mean this is THE script?
Mr.C: why yes Chris it is.
Chris: OH OH GIMME THAT, I GOT SOME F***ERS WHO NEED TO BE F***ED WITH.
Mr.C: No can do Chris, only the writer can mess with the script.
*The script disappears from Mr.C’s hands*
Chris: GOD DAMMIT GIVE ME THAT
*An almost god like voice can be heard, and can only be assumed to be the all mighty writer*
Writer: sorry, no can doosies Chris
Chris: Oh come on, atleast something, anything to make this better.
Writer: ....how bout the horn from Total Drama Action.
Chris: AW F**K YES.
Writer: Expect to see it in 2-3 weeks, until then CUE COMIC RELIEF.
Chris: Wait wah?
Mr.C: well back to my closet
*from down the hall a motorbike can be heard*
Camera crew: Can we join you?
Mr.C: sure I just had the Jacuzzi installed last week
*The camera crew and Mr.C quickly run into the closet and slam the door shut, the motorbike can be heard quite clearly now, and appears to be closer*
Chris:......Mommy
*The motorbike rounds the corner with Carter driving it, a large ice bag taped to his crotch, with Andrew, seconds behind being dragged in a tube, and for some reason in a full body cast*
Carter: GET OUT OF THE WAY
Andrew: Hey it’s Chris
Chris: OH DEAR SWEE-
*The motorbike hits Chris head-on and sends him rocketing upwards*
Chris: LOOKS LIKE I’M BLASTING OFF AG-GAH
*Just as Chris is about to complete his cliché line, he meets the new antagonist, the ceiling*
Chris: I hate this writer.
*Chris lands on the floor in a crumpled heap, and with his remaining strength reaches for his phone, which is conveniently okay, and hits Chef’s speed dial*
Chris: Yo chef its me Chris
Chef: Chris my man, you will never believe what just happened.
Chris: After today, I’m starting to open up to unbelievable things, shoot.
Chef: Okay, Okay so Andrew and Carter wanted to do some mototubing s**t in the yard and i said no WAY AM I LEAVING YOU IN THE YARD WITH MY DAFFODILS.
Chris: Ya about tha-
Chef: No wait, wait this is the best part, so i’m expecting to have to fend them off or something, but all they do is say ’ok’ and head back inside.
Chris: No really chef you should liste-
Chef: Man i think things are shaping up for us, the contestants are respecting us, now what was it you wanted to tell me.
Chris: They moved to the house
Chef: Wadda ya mean by that?
Chris: I mean that Andrew and Carter JUST CAME AROUND THE CORNER IN THE HALL AND COMMITED A HIT&RUN OFFENSE WITH AN INFLATABLE TUBE.
Chef:..........why didn’t you tell me!!
Chris: You know what, i’m to F**KING BROKEN TO B***H SO ALL I’M GONNA SAY IS STOP THEM!
Chef: Don’t worry man, i’ll get ol’ faithful.
Chris: You mean your grenade launcher.....why not it’ll work.
Chef: NO i mean THE ol’ faithful.
Chris: CHEF NO THINK OF THE VIEWERS.
Chef: to late Chris she’s already up and raring to go....
*meanwhile down in the grand dining room, Carter was continuing to drive with Andrew on the back seat and Will in the Tube, also in a full body cast*
Andrew: HARD TO PORT CARTER!
Carter: which way is that?
Andrew:...Hard Left Dumbass
Carter: Ok
Will: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*Carter makes a sharp turn left, whipping Will towards the wall, which he slams into, and resumes his course behind the bike*
Andrew: AGAIN!
Carter: OK
Will: DEAR SWEET GO-
*Wham*
Andrew: AGAIN!
Carter:Ok
Will: FINE,FINE I’LL TELL YOU WHERE I HID THE ODST DISK JUST STOP IT ALREADY.
Andrew: Ok Carter you can stop now
Carter: Ok
*Wham*
Andrew: I TOLD YOU TO STOP, NOW I THINK HE HAS A CONCUSSION.
Will: Ninja’s don’t get concussions, they get ninja concussions.
Andrew: So what? You see shurikens instead of stars?
*VROOM VROOM*
Andrew: Carter why are you revving your bike?
Carter: I wasn’t....
Andrew: then who did...........
Chef: I DID.
*Chef busts through one of the sets of doors to the Dining room, riding a lawn mower and wielding a chainsaw*
Chef: Its time to take out the trash
Will: YOU HAVE A TRASH COMPACTOR TOO!!
Andrew: ........
Carter: .........
Chef: ..........well yes actually, its just not on me at the moment, NOW COME HERE.
Andrew: CARTER FLOOR IT!
Carter: GOING!
Will: Innocent by standard here, please do not harm.
*Carter drives the bike out through the now open doors with Will still being dragged by the tube, Chef only seconds behind them with his various blades*
Carter: psh, what is he thinking, there is no way that his lawnmower can catch up to my bike.
Chef: We’ll see about that, TURBO MODE!
*Chef presses a button on the lawnmower’s console, 3 rockets unfold themselves from a hidden compartment and begin closing the gap between Will and the Lawn mowing blades*
Will: HELP ME, HELP ME.
Carter: GOD DAMMIT I CAN’T SHAKE HIM, WE’RE TOO HEAVY
*Andrew pulls a blade out of his sleeve*
Andrew: Sorry Will, One for All and all that stuff.
Will: I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU CUT THAT ROPE, IN THE LAST SECONDS OF MY LIFE I WILL CAUSE YOU UNIMAGINABLE PAIN.
Andrew:.......Okay so Carter you’re gonna need a way to shake chef.
Carter:........
Chef: I’LL GET YOU MY PRETTIES EHHEHEE
Andrew: I don’t know whats scarier, his attempts at Murder in the 1st degree or that laugh, CARTER HARD TO PORT NOW.
Carter: Ok
Chef: Wait which way is port.......
*Carter drifts into a left turn while chef, continues down the hallway*
Carter: YES WE’RE SAVED
Will: I WILL LIVE TO EAT SNICKERS ANOTHER DAY!
*BZZZZZZZZ*
Andrew: Don’t celebrate so quickly
*The wall behind them busts open to reveal Chef, with a multitude of saw blades protruding from the front of the lawnmower*
Carter: GOD DAMMIT WHO MADE THA-........Andrew did you make that Lawnmower.
Andrew: ......maybe
Carter: WHY WOULD YOU!
Andrew: I THOUGHT HE WANTED IT TO MULCH TREES NOT US!!
Chef: Actually i use it to mulch trees as well.
Andrew: Oh that’s goo- WAIT WHAT AM I SAYING.
Will: HE’S GETTING CLOSER, HUMP ME HUMP ME.
Carter: Whoa, Whoa Will no time to reveal your innermost secrets.
Andrew: I think he was trying to say help....or at least I hope, wait a minute, USE THAT EXPLODING TECHNIQUE WILL!
Will: OH RIGHT WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT, ninja technique: AIR COMBUSTION!
*Chef braces for impact it nothing happens*.
Andrew: So.....Will .......anytime now............kinda running for our lives here.........WHY IS THERE NO BLOWY UPPY!?!
Will: Oh ya forgot about that, i need to make a hand gesture and this bloody cast is rock solid, can’t move a muscle.
Andrew: Why are you wearing that again?
Will: Well you see, i was messing around with some of your stuff, next thing i know i’m being operated on by a robotic juicer.
Andrew: Ah the Fruit F***er, some dangerous equipment there.
Will: Wait.....why is it called that?
Andrew: Trust me you don’t wanna know......
Carter: GUYS FOCUS HERE HE’S ON OUR TAILS
Chef: thanks carter i was kinda feeling ignored there.
Carter No prob.....
Will: Why don’t you do something or are you stuck in that cast too?
Andrew: What cast?
Will: The one your in.....
Andrew: This isn’t a cast, its my super suit.
Will: Pretty sure that’s a full body cast.
Andrew: Here I’ll show you.
*Andrew raises an arm and points it at the ceiling, from under the bandages a gatling gun pops out and fires, dropping a large portion of the ceiling onto Chef*
Chef: OH SWEET TARTE-
*Crash*
Carter: Sweet.
Will: Oooo neat....what else does it do.
Andrew: lets me pee anywhere and dispenses chocolate milk.....
Will: and now its awkward.
*Later that day Andrew is sitting in the entertainment room playing Xbox when Chris walks up to him*
Chris: Uh Andrew
Andrew: Shush I’m orbital shock dropping.
Chris: Ya we need to talk, you’ve done a tonne of damage to the house today.
Andrew: Hey man that wasn’t me it was Chef.
Chris: I know but chef is one of the hosts, plus he couldn’t fix a wall to save his life, so we decided you’d be the scapegoat.
Andrew: well I won’t do it for free.
Chris: I’ll buy you any game you want.
Andrew: Deal just let me call a friend and get some supplies, I got big plans for this house.
Chris: On second thought i might get Carter to do it......
Andrew: too late supplies have already been delivered and my friend will be here in 5.
Chris: Oh god, but you know it may not be so bad.
(5 minutes later)
*DING DONG*
Loyde: Excellent, my limited edition, anti-pully-outty, perfect world cable is here.
*Loyde opens the door to see a slightly husky teen standing there*
???: Uh yo is Andrew here?
Loyde: Who are you and where the F**K is my limited edition, anti-pully-outty, perfect world cable.....
???: Oh this thing, it was a piece of junk so i just broke it.
*The teen hold up a cord that has been split in multiple places*
Loyde: I’m feeling something, it feels like hatred but so much worse.......
*From the Foyer Andrew can be heard*
Andrew: YO DAVID COME ON IN, I NEED YOUR HELP.
David: Oh Ok, well it was nice meeting you.
*David walks off into the foyer leaving Loyde shaking there*
Loyde: Must......GET.........REVENGE!!
*A few minutes later Andrew and David are sitting around a coffee table looking at blueprints, when Mika and Andre come up*
Andrew: Oh hey buddies.
Andre: HI!
Mika: Oh look its David, got any treats today.
David: Sorry cats, didn’t bring any, by the way have you told anyone they can talk?
Andrew: No but chef found out, and now everyone thinks he’s crazy.
David: and you didn’t think to let everyone know he’s telling the truth?
Andrew: I thought I’d let him suffer a bit.
David: Your evil you know that.
Andrew: I try, now back to the blue prints, i say that we add in a few archways over here where chef went through the wall.
David: What about the hole in the ceiling you made with the armor, we could always throw in an elevator, or just patch it up.
Andrew: No an elevator works, no stairs in the area anyways.
*Will walks in and sits down beside Andrew*
Will: So guys what are we looking at?
Andrew: Blueprints of the house, say where’d you cast go?
Will: got rid of it.
Andrew: but what about your broken bones?
Will: Healed........i have ninja bones.
Andrew: Ok then, so anyways back to the elevator i was thin-
Will: We have an elevator, WHERE?
David: Well not yet we still have to build it.
Will: Why not build a trampoline......
Andrew: What, why?
Will: Why not, we’re in the MAD HOUSE for god’s sake, but the only thing mad about this place is us, spice it up a bit.
David: Interesting, what did you have in mind?
Will: I don’t know maybe where chef went through the walls you could make a teleporter HUB station.
Andrew: But one of the rooms we’re Rygeor’s.
Will: So, it just means that he’ll have better access to the house.
David: Alright what else?
Will: why not throw in a rollercoaster?
Andrew: HOW THE HELL WOULD WE THROW THAT INTO REPAIRS!?! WE ONLY DESTROYED A FEW HALLWAYS.
Will: Why not revamp the house.
David: He’s got a point, hell we could make this house so awesome that the contestants would be dying to win it.
Andrew: Ya good thinking, we could also throw in things like, a waterslide junction that has slides that head off to the main rooms of the house, then we could throw in an Prehistoric park, a theatre, HELL ONCE WE’RE DONE THIS PLACE’LL BE OF THE HOOK.
Will: The heezy my friend the heezy.
David: Indeed.
Andrew: Well lets do it, Will you gonna help?
Will: Will you make a snickers room?
Andrew: .......sure?
Will: Ok then.
Andrew: Then let’s do this.
*One building montage later*
Andrew: Wow i can’t believe we’re done.
David: Whew, that was a bit of work, and why was Alex trying to murder me with an Axe on a segway?
Andrew: Hell if i know
David: Whatever i think we went a bit over board with the rollercoaster thougth.
Andrew: Why do you say that.
David: its twice as big as the house......
Andrew: and.....
David it goes throughout the house....
Andrew: So people will have to duck.
David: THERE IS A FRIGGEN CANNON THAT SHOOTS THE CART TO THE EXT PART OF THE RAIL OPERATED BY A MONKEY WITH A YELLOW AFRO!!
Andrew: Wait yellow afro
*They all look outside to see a littly monkey with a large yellow afro, sitting down beside the controls*
Andrew: Holy crap i think that’s Bobobo.
Bobobo Monkey: hey i’m qualified for this, even if there is a 10% chance i’ll miss.
*From inside the cannon Don Patch can be heard*
Don Patch: Command we are ready for liftoff.
Bobobo Monkey: And now there is a 100% chance for failure.
Don Patch: WHAT!?!
*The cannon suddenly aims up towards the sun, firing Don patch straight towards the big yellow ball.*
Bobobo Monkey: Mission accomplished.
Andrew: Why did we even make it possible to move the cannon.
David: Cause of the multiple tracks.
Andrew: Right, right, wanna go see if anyone’s riding it?
David: Hell ya.
*The two tinkerers walk outside to view there hand work in motion*
*on the platform Will, Jill, Alexandra and Rygeor are all lined up to ride the R.C.*
Alexandra: I AM GONNA ROCK THIS THING!
Jill: What’s that supposed to mean?
Will: What’s that supposed to mean murder lady?
Jill: What’s with the murder lady?
Rygeor: Its cause you ripped out Smith’s heart.
Jill: God dammit I said I was sorry to him.
Will: He was already dead so you wrapped his heart up, tied a bow to it and put it on his chest.
Alexandra: THE RIDE’S HERE, LETS DO THIS THING.
*The train cart comes to a halt in the platform and Andre, Mika, and an extremely well done Don Patch hop off*
Andre: That was sweet.
Mika: Ya i specially liked it when we got eaten.
Don Patch: My ride was extra crispy.
*The three walk off, only to have Bobobo monkey, sneak up behind Don Patch, chloroform him, shove him in the cannon and fire him at the Lava Pit*
Andre: What’s the monkey’s deal?
Mika: Dunno, but he shares his banana’s with me.
Jill: HOLY CRAP THE CATS WERE TALKING!
*From the train cart*
Will: Move it or lose it crazy murder lady.
Alexandra: I wanna get off now........
*Andrew and David walk up onto the platform*
Andrew: Ah our first customers.
Rygeor: But Don Patch and your cats we’re just on here....
David: We couldn’t find any test dummies so we just paid them with coupons to test for any health hazards.
Andrew: So far, the sun is our only problem.
David: Ya we’ll have to get rid of that later.
Train occupants:..............
Andrew: well enjoy, the MadCoaster.
*The ride jolts to a start and begins to progress up the chain hill*
Alexandra: I WANNA GET OFF, IT’S TOO SCARY.
Rygeor: But we just got on the dam thing.......
*From speakers planted in the seats Andrew’s voice can be heard*
Andrew: Ladies and Gentlemen, before the ride begins lets go over a few rules, one please keep all arms, legs, snickers, ninja techniques inside the cars, two do not feed the monkey, four do not feed the monkey.
Jill: Wait where’s three?
Will: Duh three is don’t rip out any hearts on the train.
Jill: ok now your just being a di-
Andrew: Three do not rip out any hearts on the train.
Jill:...........
Andrew: have a safe trip, and try not to die.
Rygeor: WAIT, WHAT!?!
*The train halts to a stop at the top of the lift*
Alexandra: Uh guys....., we’re above the clouds.
Andrew: Warning on the first drop the ride will reach speeds up to mach nine, please activate windshields.
Jill: WHERE ARE THE WIND SHEILDS!!!
Will: Right here, beside the chocolate milk and nuke buttons.
*Will presses the button on the console in front of him and a glass dome closes over the train, at that exact moment the train tips over the hill and rockets down towards earth*
Andrew: Be prepared for the first drop, you will be required to make the jump.
Alexandra: JUMP WHAT JUMP!!
Rygeor: WHAT KIND OF ROLLERCOASTER IS THIS!!
Will: MAN CANNON.
*At the bottom of the hill, a blue contraption is spiting out blue fumes that are rising towards the next segment of track*
Jill: THE GAPS TO SMALL WE’LL OVER SHOOT THE JUMP.
Will: INITIATING REVERSE THRUSTERS!!
Rygeor: WHAT!
*Will once again presses a button on the console, which causes two rockets to pop out of the sides of the cart, slowing it down, and allowing it to make the jump successfully*
Jill: We’re......alive........
Rygeor: or at least till something else happens.
Will: Let’s do it again!
Rygeor: Wait....i think Alexandra fainted.
Alexandra: i’m in my happy place, ............
Jill: She’s gone.
*Then cart slows to a stop, and the loud speakers project Bobobo Monkey’s voice into the cart*
Bobobo: This is your c-captain speaking, we will now e departing to one of the following destinations, Molten Magma deathtrap, forest of ever living death, Your Uncle’s back, Happy Pony Candyland, to choose the course announce the Pie that goes in conjunction with the course you have 5 seconds>
Jill: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS
Bobobo: Wrong, 4
Rygeor: Uh, APPLE PIE.
Bobobo: You have selected Molten Magma Death trap would you like to continue, 3
Everyone: NO.
Bobobo: Cancelled 2
Alexandra: happy place, happy, place
Bobobo: Please choose now OOK EEK
Will: SHEPARDS PIE!!!
Bobobo: Happy pony candyland selected, have a nice flight.
Jill: how the hell did you know that?
Will: Duh shepard’s pie is the 4th best pie in the world everyone knows that.
Jill: What’s the first?
Will: Snickers pie.
Rygeor: Of course.......wait what did he mean by fliIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT
*At that moment the cart was shot out of the cannon towards a track that headed into the house*
Rygeor: HOLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-
Will: WEEEEEEEE
*After going through a series of loops and turns, flying through one of the washrooms, sending Chef sprawling in the kitchen, and going through a small tunnel filed with animatronics dolls singing a really annoying song repetitively. the train slows down to a light speed in the basement*
Jill: How the hell did they build this without any of us noticing?
Will: I noticed, in fact i helped, i takes 3 people to do a building montage you know.
Rygeor: Ok, hey wait is that the mailman over there?
*As the cart passes through one of the rooms, Rygeor points to James the Mailman tied to a chair, fending a zombie off with a toothpick*
James: BACK I SAY BACK, YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE.....OR DEAD, HAHAHA!
Jill: Oh my God we have to help him!!
Will: Oh look who just turned humanitarian
Jill: Shut it and save him.
Will: Initiating tractor beam.
*A small ray gun pops out the back of the cart, and pulls James in behind the ride just as it goes up a chain lift*
James: Whew , thanks guys, i swear to god that Zombie was gonna get in ma pants any second there.
Jill: Ok will you can drop him now
Will: Ok initiating drop.
James: NONONONONO, i was just kidding gosh.
Rygeor: Whatever lets just get this ride over with.
*After going up the hill, through Chris’s Room, over chris’s toe, the cart finally comes to a stop at the station, with David and Andrew waiting in anticipation*
Andrew: So guys, you like it, was it fun, exhilarating exiting!!!! Tell me, tell me.
Train occupants: SCREW OFF!!!!
Will: I liked it.
David: Wanna go again?
Will: HELL YES.
Andrew: LETS DO THIS THING, oh wait, is that the choco milk theif on the back?
James: Help meeeeeeeee
*Andrew hoists James onto the platform, and then unties him*
Andrew: What are you still doing here?
James: YOU LEFT ME TIED UP IN THE BASEMENT FIGHTING OFF A ZOMBIE WITH A TOOTHPICK.
Andrew: ah...........I’ll let you have a free ride to make up for it.
James: Sweet!
*James runs in and jumps onto the train*
David: Weren’t the rides free anyways?
Andrew: ya but he doesn’t need to know that.
David: B***h move man, whatever lets ride this thing.
Andrew: thats what she said.....

Chris: Well this was a fun week wasn't it folks, al lot of crazy s**t happened, i almost died twice, and now i know who puts me through all this, next week tune in to see me stick it to the man-uh i mean contestants, smae chris time, same chris channel, see ya next time.

*FIN*

*Well hope you enjoyed this weeks MadHouse, once again if you wanna join in on the fun, just leave a comment and i will be happy to oblige, with that all i can say is please comment and see ya next week*