Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

My love burns and i am at peace, constantly...
but all my old hatreds are rising...Jessie...Tyler...Drew...Dyllan...Austin...
my lust for vengance is on the rise...burning pasion...and burning hatred...all only matched by my love...and...peace?
They say that humans are the only beings capable of love and hatred at the same time...am i...becoming...human?
or have i been human the whole time, as an exeption from the saying?
i seem to be talking to god, i ask him, "What is the answer?"
he answers, "What is the question?"
i wonder what it means...
i feel like destroying the people who have boiled up my hatred...and i feel like leaving them be...i feel like running away to my fiance...and staying here to talk on the phone with her...i feel like killing, and loving. loving and lotheing. running, and staying. I cannot find the question god. I cannot find the answer...I ask myself, "what is the question?"
I answer with a thousand questions...its down to three...I turn to god with crusifix in hand...around neck...and on my forehead...i ask him,"Do I love....or hate?"
He answers..."Both."
I ask him...."Am i joking or serious?"
He answers..."Both."
I ask him,"Am i human, or am i something else?"
He answers my with that same one word...with unchanging seriousness..."Both."
Now i leave my tale to fate....do i kill? or do i love, do i let go of old grudges, or do i hold them with a burning passion untill i burst? We will see i suppuse...or now that i think of it....will i do as that one word from god....both?