Over the past year and a half i had been dating a girl to whom i feel in love with quite madly, and through most of our relationship we've argued alot but recently everything's just gotten really bad im saying stuff i don't mean like earlier today i called her "easy" and i didn't mean the way i had said I was trying to tell her that she was rushing into another relationship to easily because we broke up 2 weeks ago because she said we needed a break for about the sixth or seventh time and Tuesday she started dating another guy which really upset me and when we were together she told me that there was nothing wrong and that i didn't need to change anything about myself but after we break up and im upset and feeling like s**t she tries to tell me to be happy and have confidence and stop being a baby. She doesn't realize all of the torment that she puts me through and that she needs to just think about everything that she wants and realize that she is being childish right now, she tells me i don't need to change anything and then beats around the bush on what i should change, she also doesn't realize that I go through hell everyday just to make her happy by hanging out with people that I don't like or know and inside it drives me mad. she tells me that I don't appreciate the things that she does for me when if I didn't I wouldn't still be here and i wouldn't try to help her get better. I'm trying my hardest to get better with my confidence and all of my problems but its really difficult to when she is constantly telling me that Im a horrible person and that raped her when just a few hours ago she had told me it was fine and nothing was wrong and i feel horrible about it , I can't sleep at night because i have nightmares about that night. just last saturday she was willing to have my child because it was something that i wanted and now all we do is argue because I love her and want her to be happy with me and she doesn't really know what she wants anymore. She still has deep feelings for me and she still loves me i know she does but I wish she would just stop all of this nonsense she is hurting more people than she realizes and when her messed up stomach causes her to have a miscarriage it doesn't hurt just her it hurts me too. She is probably never going to talk to me again because I told her new boyfriend some stuff he should know about her just as a concern so that maybe he could help her but shes probably going to think that im being an a*****e. We used to have conversations all the time when we first started dating but now we don't talk as much and i think we need to and she needs to talk more its not safe to bottle up all of her emotions, I think that since shes bottling up everything from her home life and "other" life that everything is coming out as anger towards me because she never does anything about her anger. I just really want her to understand that i love her and could help her if she would just come back and tell me that she is willing to take my help so that shes not a complete mess alot of the time. she makes me so much happier than anyone else in the world ever has, and she is the greatest person in the world i think and she couldn't be any closer to perfect, and I love her more than anyone else in the world and i lovee her more than anyone in the world ever will.
 Waescrower · Sat Nov 21, 2009 @ 11:04am · 0 Comments |
