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Satu's 'end of the world' journal entry, which I wrote many months ago after m'wife wrote Nico and Yasu's schpeal. The events might coincide with her's, but there is a high possibility that most of it makes little sense in comparison. I didn't have the heart to do much with Enzo without consulting bocca first, but it can be easily edited if something is planned out.
btw, first person POV, mostly made up of technicalities. Yes, you're gonna have to scroll down, kind of a lot. INSANE, I know. Enjoy, regardless. c:
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How embarrassing. I was really excited to write something down and I don't know where to start. It's not like me to even want to write, so I guess it makes sense. But my mind's filled so full of just everything it feels like I'll burst if I don't get something down.
Let's start with the basics? The Nations thought it'd be a good idea to write something down for the future. Anyone optimistic enough to think there'll be a future did that, and since there was paper left over, us micro nations, states, and providences get to write.
I myself am the Åland Islands. Satu Oxenstierna is my human name, what everyone around here knows me as. Right now, I'm sitting in camp and some of the mortals are stirring up some supper- some sort of fish, I think. About a week ago, someone found an unscathed CD player- God knows how old it must be- and it had a Neil Diamond disk in it. We must have listened to it fifty times by now, but it's playing again. Everyone's singing along, including me, between sentences. No, I am still not skilled enough to write and sing at the same time.
Our camp's somewhere in southern Lithuania - whatever's left. Lithuania's here, duh, Mamma, and Latvia. Holland, Hungary, Ana and Denmark are here too, but that's all of us other than the humans. I hear there are other groups of countries all over, but I don't know what they're doing. I think everyone should come together and live in one place, moving when we need to. But mama says that's inefficient. And there's not much I can do with the little influence I have. But we aren't doing too well here, so I think we might move soon. There's practically nothing left, and we need the other nation's help.
Hungary, Ana, and Latvia are sick. And so am I, though not nearly as bad.
Remember Global Warming? Well, turns out it wasn't really just America's fault. It was just the natural Earth thing. So it kept going and going. My islands were almost gone, almost all water. It was like I was slowly choking, but I just wouldn't die. Sometimes I could get by and work and try to sort things out. And sometimes I felt like I couldn't breathe for a minute or so. It passed with time, but I still can't breathe so well in stuff like perfume and dust and smoke. And, of course, my islands are messed up with war, which goes without saying. I think the only real reason I’m alive at all is for my geographical importance for military bases. I’m just too valuable to have been lost, I suppose.
Unlike me, those other three are actually dying. Hungary is pretty much destroyed, but I guess since all survivors have fled, both Ana and Elizabeta will live for now. Which I don’t really get, since Budapest was the most important city and the place I would bomb, if I were into that kind of thing. Latvia - I just don't know. Russia was mean to me, but the things he did to Latvia must’ve been many times worse. He tried to remain neutral - I guess the Baltics were trying to adopt Scandinavia’s policy - but Russia dragged him into war faster than you can say ‘omg, Latvia’s being dragged into the war!’ I pray for them, probably not to God anymore, but definitely to everything else.
I've grown really close to those of us here, even a few humans, and I cry for anyone who dies. I always feel like I'm out of tears and energy, but I guess I have no will either, because the tears just start running when I can’t help it.
Now, I know some of the others are optimistic about the future and that we'll all pull through and be a big, fat, happy family again. I guess if I were still the kind of person I was when I was little, I'd agree. But though it might be a shock, since I really haven't told anyone, I don't think we'll get through this. Mamma would frown disapprovingly for my pessimism.
There's just no way. For starters, have you taken a look around? Have you noticed the lack of birds and blues skies? Have you looked at the food we eat and the color of the water? Have you, by chance, seen the bodies we don't have the time or energy to bury? Nothing is how it was - how it should be, there are no constants, and things certainly aren’t mproving.
It's already proven that we won't all get by- Poland's dead, rotting in the ground beside his little revolutionists. China's gone, probably in Russia's arms, perfectly encased together under the snow somewhere in Siberia. Maybe they both became ashes at the hands of whichever extremist got them first.
Estonia, Croatia, and Kosovo are the only others I'm sure of. Don’t ask why about the latter two; their bodies were found up here. Maybe they wandered this way without a sense of direction and couldn’t find anyone in time. I don’t think we’ll ever know. But I feel so ignorant; everyone else could be dead this moment and we wouldn't find out until God knows when. Though, maybe God himself is dead and gone. Maybe his absence is the reason this all started. I just don't know about anything anymore, not that I ever did.
Hell, I don't even know about Pappa. The great, powerful Sweden. He hurt Mamma and me, and Peter too, not physically and definitely not intentionally, but he did nonetheless. He left, and this was a long time back now, when we were still in our usual house and not with anyone else, to go find some help, somewhere. Scandinavia was neutral for the longest time, but things got really bad, and Pappa thought the other Nordics should form a union of sorts. And then he just never came back. When it got too dangerous to stay, we left. Peter happened to be with an injured England at the time, and I have not seen him since.
Mamma believes Sweden is alive and well, as do I, for all my pessimism. No matter who I used to quarrel with others about it, I have always believed that Pappa was the strongest nation ever. I believe he reached Norway and Iceland, probably Greenland, if he isn’t with Canada. Astrid isn’t with us, so I bet she’s there too.
Anyway, we found Lithuania, somehow. And now, we're here. We aren't doing much of anything nowadays, just finding survivors and treating the sick. I help Ana with the youngest children on days we're both well enough to work. Other days I look for survivors. They are few and far between. To say the least, bleeding bodies stopped haunting my dreams a long time ago. Forgive my amazing poetic descriptions of the dead, but that’s really what they are, is all.
And now, I'm out of things to say. Ugh, that didn't take long. I was hoping this would take my mind off what it's on every bleeding second. I've been avoiding it for... a while now. Well then.
Enzo.
Enzo Enzo Enzo! Maybe I seemed composed throughout this, but now I have to move away from the others. I can write calmly and adult-ly about the missing, dying, and dead. But the thought of Enzo makes me melt. If I’m going to seriously drag up memories of him, I will do it alone, thank you, and with absolutely no dignity.
For all my experience and my age, I've still got my young body. I wonder how long I will look eighteen. I also wonder how long I will act the age. I'm more mature and a lot smarter than I was when my aging first slowed, but I'm still that stupid, stupid little girl at heart. Is it the body? Maybe. This’ll sound like something France would say when he’s trying to sound deep or something, but I think the only reason I’m still me at heart is because Enzo … keeps me young, and keeps me, me. Bah, that doesn’t sound smart. Maybe you get what I’m saying, though. Maybe you have felt it, someone whom when you’re around them, makes you feel real.
I miss the way everything used to be. With the war and with the world and with Papa, yes. But I mostly miss it with Enzo. We used to be so carefree, so stupid. Not even just ignorant or 'young and in love'; we were stupid. But we were so happy. I can say that truthfully, even speaking for him. I guess I'm crying now. Even if things became normal again, we'll never have that kind of bliss again. The war has made us both grow up a little, and I admit I hate it. I miss our sudden bursts of excitement and the moments we spent in silence, our joyous revelations about anything and everything. No moment with him produces a bad memory, not once could I frown while by his side.
Maybe couples are meant to go through their different phases. And maybe Enzo and I would've stayed blissfully unawares our whole long lives. We will never, ever know. Just like we don’t really know anything.
Not to reiterate, but I miss him, Enzo. So much. It's all I can think about, no matter how hard I try. I haven't seen him since, well, a long time ago.
No one bothers to contact us silly little group of northern countries. Prussia visits Hungary sometimes, maybe once or twice a year. He's very well informed, comes with staying with Germany, and tells us of things that happened months before that we would otherwise never know about. We know Hungary would go back with him if she weren't sick and Prussia would stay if Austria weren't sick back with Germany. We rely so much on their sicknesses, it's awful. But he's with Spain and both Italys, along with their children. So I can't help but be grateful, because I would die worrying about Enzo if it weren't for it.
Enzo came with him within this last year just to see me and stayed for a week or so, which is longer than Prussia normally allows himself to do. We spent of all our time together when we weren't working, and did our best to stay together when we were. We gushed over how his youngest siblings have grown and reminisced with Ana a little. I think she knew we’d want time alone, though. Sometimes we just sat with each other in silence; sometimes we whispered whatever nonsense came to mind in the dark. A little more time than I’ll ever admit was spent in moderately questionable ways with him, really just kissing, mostly, though we were just making up for lost time. And I mean the time before the war too. We must’ve been the slowest - moving couple any of the other nations had ever seen. It was so nice to know he hadn't strayed, though I hadn’t worried at all. Besides, his parents would never let him live something like that down. A perk of having die - hard Catholics for in - laws.
While he was here, he worked, and worked hard, even though it wasn't for his family or people he knew at all. Harder than me, I'll admit. He looked so focused while he went about watering our weary little crops and moving aside rubble, so mournful when he looked for bodies. I couldn't help but watch him during these times, because I guess I never realized how emotions were plain as day on his face. I think it’s a beautiful trait for a human to have.
He caught me staring only once, while he was moving the body of a middle-aged man, and he grinned. He grinned at me, even while holding the dead. I realized he probably had moved more bodies in Spain and Germany than there were here, but he had still looked so sad while working, like he was personally mourning each man he never knew.
But still, he smiled when he saw me, and waved. My hand sort of moved by its self, and I waved back. I might’ve felt myself smile, but I wanted to cry. I think I mean this to be deep, but I can't really explain it. It was just, he set aside his sadness for the man long enough to smile for me. It's more than anyone's done for me recently.
He left way too soon. I wanted to be selfish and keep him from his family and friends. But I couldn't and he was just, gone. Damn those Spaniards and their family-oriented lifestyles. An absolute pitfall of having die-hard Catholics for in-laws. I cried and Ana sat with me awhile and then we went back to work. Life is tough.
Nowadays, his grin won't leave me alone. I miss him. I guess it's more for me that I want all the nations to stay together in one place. I'd get to be with him everyday, 'til death to us part.
Enzo, I heard that Nico died. I know how much you cared about him, indeed, he was your fraat-telll-ooo, and I'm really sorry. I'd cry for you both, as well as Yasu and your family, but I know you wouldn’t want that. I know Nico wouldn't want it. I won’t cry for anyone but myself on this matter, because of course, I liked him too. Let's celebrate his life next time we're together, alright? If you’re even up for celebrating.
Enzo, I miss you. Maybe I can come back with Prussia one of these days. That'd be pretty cool, right?
Enzo, I love you. If I die before I can tell you that for the zillionth time, know that I mean it. And I will die before you if it kills me, kay? Because you deserve every bit of time you have.
Mamma and Pappa, of course I love you. I will always. You know that. To Yasu and Haruto, wherever you are, you know I’d give you each a whole paragraph if I knew how you were. Please come back; please let us see each other again. The way things were when we were small is farther away than anything else in my memory. Things will never be like that again, but they could be like something.
Whoever reads this should know that we nations are trying, or, at least, we tried. We want to hold together the world, but we're really mostly human too. Try to tie the little bits of Earth back together, please. Even if it's just a little bit at a time, it's worth it. It's so, so worth the effort because there are so many wonderful things in the world that everyone should get to see.
Whoever reads this, please remember us countries. If things get better, don't complain too much about learning about us in school. I know how you feel, but it's worth it. But if a teacher asks you for the deeper meaning in our letters (because I bet if our letters are ever found, they will be the only records of the past, and thus, you’ll have to study them), tell them there isn't one. We are, after all, putting everything we are on this paper. All the meaning is here.
Whoever reads this, if you see a future where there's no more war and everything is alright again, I guess I was wrong. Good job on fixing things, but try to keep them that way. Do whatever you need to, but keep peace your top priority. You just can't let this happen again. Mother Earth may not be so lucky next time.
That’s really enough writing. I’ve taken up a ton of paper and the sun is going down. I’ve gotta get my face cleaned up and become more presentable. Maybe I’ll see this paper in a kinder future and think back on the days when life was hard. I guess we’ll see if we make it to tomorrow.
 Pure Finn · Tue Jan 12, 2010 @ 12:25am · 2 Comments |
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