You know what's an interesting theory?
That shows such as Naruto are bout ninjas
These shows are not about ninjas! At best they're about speedy battlemage, some crazy conglomerate of a fantasy game's rogue and sorcerer with sign language for the deaf kids in the audience.Hell, I'd say that they were mute and had to sign out all the magic words if they didn't talk so damn much.
But that's not what bugs me really. Ninjas were told to have mystical powers. Having something about ninjas and not having magical jutsus is like having something about a knight who doesn't go to battle a dragon. Less realistic, but much more entertaining. What bugs me is the fact that these truly aren’t ninjas. The main character is wearing an orange jumpsuit. An orange, freaking, jumpsuit! Ninjas are all about stealth. They wear black! They are deadly and silent! Which Naruto is not! When he goes into battle, he shouts his intentions at his enemy. Shouting “I’mma kill you!” does not make an assassination go easy. At best, it makes the target run. At worst, you’ve got a fight with ten of his strongest bodyguards. The mythical ninja might have been able to handle that, but ninjas were only so great because they had killed you before you got even a doubt that you were alone. You know that ‘I’m being watched’ feeling, you’re not even supposed to get that with ninjas, let alone a ‘holy crap some kid in his feety pajamas is shoutin’ at me’ feeling.
Even the higher level ninjas are still wearing a green vest. Sure, that might camouflage with the trees, but if you’re planning to camouflage go all out! Green and black don’t often occur naturally together unless you are in a woodland which recently had an oil tanker crashed into it. And I don’t think they had oil tankers in feudal Japan! Or… modern day Japan… or… whatever the hell time period the damn anime occurs in.
Now, back to the jutsus. Hand signs are good those are actually true, as far as I know. Ones that allow for transformations are cool – ninjas would actually put animals in their clothes to trick people into thinking they could do such things. Walking on water, fine! They were rumored to be able to that too! Summoning dragons made of water and creating giant badgers made of sand, why no- wait, what? Alright, think about a ninja. Now imagine they’re about to assassinate someone. Finally, think about them, instead of simply slitting their targets throat jumping down, announcing their intentions and then making a 1 minute long series of hand signs in order to summon a water dragon. Where did we leave the area of what ninjas do? That’s right, the second we started talking about Naruto.
Honestly, saying Naruto’s ninjas are actually ninjas is like saying the TMNT are ninjas. Or like saying Meyer’s vampires are vampires. Or like taking an elven archer, giving them a battle axe and telling them to chop down all the trees in their beloved forest. Or reading this and saying it’s not a rant.
KelpMonger Community Member 
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