A mock lit review I wrote to make it look like I was working
Running head: THINGS AND STUFF
The difference of things and stuff
Chris Betts
Definition and Grammar Academy
The summary of things with stuff makes an argument that vagueness makes things and stuff seem as though they are indistinguishable. However, things and stuff can easily be put one from the other if you just consider them carefully enough. If you look closely, you will see that stuff begins with the letter S, while things begins with the letter T. Also, stuff has five letters and things has a full six letters. As you can see, five and six are entirely different numbers. However, if we are talking in a more definition-based field, a more scientific approach is necessary.
Grand Marshal of Dictionaries and Honorary Webster James Appleton claims that things and stuff are synonyms, which is a word his organization uses for “words with similar definitions.”(Appleton, 2008, p.256.3) However, we are looking for them being the same definition. When further questioned, Mr. Appleton claimed that his top scientists had been unable to come to a conclusion for years. He suggested that things referred more to a range from animals to objects to people, etc, whilst stuff only referred to the inanimate. However, when pressed, he revealed that there was “…no concrete evidence to support [this] claim.”(Appleton, personal communication, January 14, 2009). Information would have to come from another source.
Dr. Candid works in the bubbling Merriam Institute Denotation Labs of Dupree, South Dakota. When questioned about the meanings of these two words he immediately handed out the definitions his scientists had isolated through various tests and means which he was, due to a contract with the company, unable to divulge. For stuff, he gave the definition: “material of some unspecified kind,” and for things he gave, “some entity, object, or creature that is not or cannot be specifically designated or precisely described.”(Candid, personal communication, Jan. 5, 2009). However, a critic of the findings of Dr. Candid claims that those two definitions are “…one and the same, although the definition of things is a bit more in depth.” (Fisher, 2010, p.1). There are few proponents of Dr. Candid’s theories, most siding with Fisher in claiming the definitions given in no way support differences between the two words.
Finally, information has leaked from the Thesaurian Corporation of Synonym and Antonym Technology of various tests that can be used to measure the similarity of two words, both in an absolute denotational value and a close estimation of connotational values. “One must simply separate the lettercelyne and the pronunciation variable in order to dilute the solution enough to take a reading on denotation.” Connotation, however is much more difficult to read, requiring a twenty four hour fermentation period, to allow colloquialisms to sink into the word to be studied as well as an additional stagnation period in a crowded room for average conversation to take its part in the solution. Once, “…the solution [has been allowed this time], one must allow the connotation to precipitate from the solution, which must then be frozen to a solid form in order for a comprehensible reading to be taken. “(Frinkle, 2010, p.5069) This gives some hope for young etymologists everywhere.
Obviously, the exact definitions of stuff and things are rather close, especially in denotation values (A differential of at max .087 webstons says Jones (2008, p.34)). However, recent breakthroughs in etymological technology offer ways to not only measure the denotation of stuff and things, but also the connotation, which could provide invaluable insight into whether or not they are, in fact, the same word, despite outward qualities such as length and beginning appearance.
References
Appleton, J. T. (200 cool . Such similar phrases as these. New York, NY: Merriam Webster Publishing.
Fisher, O. C. (2010). Dr. Candid is always wrong: My attempt to prove that a book of any subject can get published. Bear River City, UT: Minuteman Press.
Frinkle, T. S. (2010). Secret book of antonym and synonym technology that must absolutely not be leaked. N/A.
Jones, Q. X. (200 cool . What the hell is a webston? Saint Helena, CA: Antiquity Press.
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