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I was just going through all of my journal entries. I deleted the most of the bullshit. In the last half hour, I went from anger, rage, anger, petty anger, depression, suicidal moments, and first love. Seeing the after math of that failed first love didn't hurt. I have moved on. So has she. I hope she is happy and that I myself find happiness.

What hurt me? What has brought tears to my eyes and awakened that old scar, was how happy I was. I was happy to be alive. To see the world with color instead of the usual gray that surrounded me. Everything was much more beautiful, breathing hurt but it was a good hurt. I welcomed waking up in the morning because I didn't know what the day would bring me and that didn't frighten me. Any frustrations experienced during the day were easier to bear because I was happy.

Now that I think about it. I wondered if you, Veronica, ever read my messages of pain. My cries for you. I no longer cry for you, I long for another. Lets see if he'll have me. I'll have my answer by next week. I hope its good.

I have more to say but my mind is too cluttered to be able to fully express myself.