Nightmares, and blackness I'm so accustom to those dreams, I'm used to normally just have blackness but now nightmares keep invading my mind. Each one if different yet the same, most of it is a blur but it keeps me from sleeping. I don't need sleep or care about it but sometimes I wish I could sleep and not be bothered by the nosiness and other things going on inside the house or in my head well at least the stuff that comes out without any thought to it. See my head is very confusing, filled with so much pain, guilt, and anger well at least those are the feeling I know by heart the rest not so sure. I know happiness, and calmness but don't fully understand it. Another time, and place for that stuff now back to the nightmare. It was bloody, very bloody, filled with screams, flashing, and sounds of flush and bone being cut into. Yea when I have a nightmare I hear more then I see, but blood is so clear to see. Gun shots, and electric current being turned on and off while hearing the thrashing of the body in a chair. It was torture then the words started I can't repeat them they are the fragment I want to stay hidden for as long as I can. My body woke up before I could figure out who was in the chair or who the torturer was. This was different from my normal nightmares, but it's alright I learn to adapt to things very quickly to cause less pain then needed.
Now then that part is over I have decided on something when I woke up from this nightmare. each night i'll meditate and find a small piece of my head to look into, there will be pain but i'll deal. i need some answers that only i myself know just that it'll take a lot to get to them. my head is filled with chaos which will be open which means sometimes I won't be here fully I have done this before but it ended very badly, hopefully this time it wont end badly or something along those lines.
now to work on my amv's and stuff and writing.
 dbz_lalala · Mon May 23, 2011 @ 06:46pm · 0 Comments |
