Freed from the delusions.
I am a strong believer that romance novels and films give teenagers, adolescents and young adults unrealistic views of love – in fact, that may just be the topic for my Personal Interest Project next year – and having just finished one such book this afternoon, I have to say that my heart is far from touched. Because the characters ended with a happy ending. And I didn't get what I wanted for mine. My head feels abused, if anything, and that’s not completely due to the cliché aspects and ideas in the story. What bothered me was the fact that the main character, Laurel, had two guys – who both seemed like pretty amazing guys to me! – waiting on her. She knew they were waiting, they knew they were waiting, yet it still felt as in the author was trying to put some kind of romantic, chivalrous spin on it. That was what bothered me. Because I waited and got nothing. Forget the fact that this book was written specifically for the type of person I USED to be.
Once upon a time (and isn’t that how most fairytale’s usually begin?) I thought it was romantic. If you really loved the person, and really wanted to be with them, you waited. I had the idea that one day, after we were together, she would look back of that time guiltily for having made me wait for so long, but in my imagination – my overactive, sometimes insanely optimistic, borderline delusional imagination – I would smile at her and say “It was worth the wait.” Delusional indeed because she actually never asked me to wait.
I used to be a very romantic, lovey-dovey kind of person. Now I see myself as a sceptic. Because I want to believe I've become a hardened shell of my former self since *dramatic gaze shift to the side* I see that in a book, and I’m instantly angry at the protagonist, not because she has two boys willingly waiting for her – though that is off-putting too – but because it reminds me of how badly that sort of thing ended for me. And she reminds me of what I once had! A strong and confident individual! It’s not romantic: it’s painful. If you really loved someone, and they really cared about you in return, they wouldn’t ask you to wait. They wouldn’t put you through that. Waiting for someone is living in purgatory. You’re not dating, but you’re not “just friends” either, and striving for their constant approval to ensure that they don’t change their mind about you is a sickening way to live. If I hadn't been so paranoid about it and actually let it go I would actually probably be with her right now. And I sicken myself that I screwed it up so bad. So I blame them and their friends.
The books, the movies, and the television shows dress it up. They glamorise it with happy endings and pretty actors who fall in love and forgive each other for the months and months of turmoil. They wake up to what they’ve got, appreciate it, and realise that they couldn’t stand to let it go. It doesn’t work like that – not in my experience, at least – and I’ll be damned if I ever let one of my friends go down the road I went down. Of course, I’ll understand why they’re doing, but it’d break my heart just watching them put themselves through what I did. Even though I'm the only one who put myself through such troubles by waiting in the first place.
But, I digress. My whole point was that fairytales and happy endings are far too common in the media. Just once I’d like to see something not work out. Actually, I’d like to see it more than once, because heartbreak occurs far more frequently than love does. That’s why I enjoyed Tim Winton’s The Riders it was realistic, unlike the shows I watch and the books I read. Even my favourite television’s dramas are constantly getting it wrong – and I’m not even talking about the romance department anymore. The crew on Sea Patrol and the team in Rescue: Special Ops constantly fail to follow orders and proper procedure, yet things always work out perfectly in the end. Part of me is glad that one half of my favourite ships die sometimes, because it makes for a more realistic and appealing relationship – even if they’re dying way too early in their lives.
Sue me. I turned into a sceptic. But can you blame me? Because even though I say it bothers me that these shows aren't "realistic" when it comes to love, I still watch them and enjoy them, because deep down I know I'm the cause of my own troubles.
