no one really.... like.. would read this... so i guess it would be safe to put my thoughts here....
today.... and for like the past few weeks... there are days when i feel apathetic. depression weighs heavily on me. i blame it on the weather but deep inside, i know that i was allways like this... i think. i dont know anymore... and i wish i could at least say 'i dont care' but the truth is.. i dont know if i care or not. not caring would be best because not caring is still a feeling. i dont feel like i could go on... suicide is far from my reach. im too much of a coward anyways. i cant even draw blood. all i can do is leave anry little red lines...
all i can do now is cry. i dont even know why i cry. i just can't... stop.... this is horrible.. its a cross between feeling nothing and feeling the heavy weight of depression... and the confusion of these 2 things makes it hard to breath. i cant seem to find the energy or motivation to do things. things that i enjoyed in the past, things that i have to do, like school, i cant do it. or may i wont.
maybe im not apathetic.. i do feel something.. i feel.. unappreciated... im... held in complete disregard. school is no longer just a hellish nitemare, its now a torture chamber built for the mind. there are times when i laugh but... later on i realize just how... alone i am. no one really likes me in my class. in fact, i think its safe to say that over 80% of them positively hate me. the remaining few just dont give a ship borderline find me repulsive and or annoying.
i dont know what to do. sometimes i just feel like why in the hell am i living.. and if this feeling of lonliness would ever leave.
i feel like.... being an asianistic asian is a crime. being myself that isn't like others a crime. for having a stong mind is a crime.. i dont know. maybe im not ment for this society.
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Sora's Journal
The Online Diary of an Eccentric young and dark artist with her occasional outbursts of joy over the trivial matters of her pitiful daily life..
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Always. You know that. My Cell Phone is always open for phone calls, no matter what time it is here, I'm always awake anyways.
I'd say that I know what you're going through, or some s**t like that, but it's what any normal person would say. But I -will- say that you're one of the best people I know and I'd do anything to come visit you for a while.
Big Bro' out. heart