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Most of the time when i think about this topic i sort of ramble on how i lived my life in the past. When I was a kid I feel like I lived a pretty good life, though, currently It was practically sheltered. Going down the line as i got older (say middle school,) I feel like I should of lived a little more steady minded. And, well, ON my high school years there's things I wish i didn't do despite the small scope of the problem. Now. Let's just say, since I've got a little older, I grew to understand who I really am as a person.. It's not all that good In my point of view. I would also like to say that in this process I only want to type this just to empty out my head since I have other topics too think about.

I feel like there's a saying somewhere, like, "You see the world as you see yourself," or something like that. That particular saying kind'a echoed for most of my teenage life and currently also. My answer to this saying is this, I see the world for who I am and it can be molded continuously and without stopping. It's hard to explain but I feel like it fits in someway. I know for a fact that things will change weather I know it or not and with out my permission and I also know that it has to happen.

I see life as unfair in many spaces, shapes and forms, however, In someway Unstoppable (depending on certain situations.) As i live through it I feel slumped knowing that fact and continue with a straight headed pessimism. Life can shake you, break you, mold you and take you. But what YOU do with it is your choice. Sadly with my type of pessimism, I feel like it'll be a waste to even face it, so I live life with complete auto pilot. This is not how I want to live my life but I still walk it and continue like i always do unfortunately. Do I want to change it? Absolutely but I (selfishly) want to know if what I'm thinking is possible..

The world as i see it is truly beautiful. It is also scary, unforgiving and deadly when you're on your own. To think we as a human race are living on such a successful creation makes me happy. But on a grand scale we don't matter since i feel like there's something bigger out there.. We're so small lol and yet we can do so much.. both good and bad. This world is all we have and even thought I'm typing this out, It won't amount to anything expect for now. It's really sad that I don't want to make the world better. It's even sadder that I don't feel the drive to even try.. This is how I see myself- completely pathetic in its purest form.

I see myself more than what I am... I feel there is something I can do here. I have a good idea how to approach this problem that I have kept inside of me but, somewhere deep I really don't care. Everything is conditional... but I want to change this empty husk into something worth living.