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He was my proof that there was good in the world and yet he turned out to be a demon so is there good in the world? Or is everyone evil despite what they say or how they act? Behind every angel there is a demon I know that now. I guess exepting that should make me alot better. Exepting that I have to start ignoring the fact that I'm not perfect and I just need to find something that I can focus on and devote myself to something that won't leave me or bertray me. I think I have found that thing o matter how hard I will have to work for it no matter how imposiible it seems I will try with all my might to acheive it. I have many things to over come to acheive it but those are things I needed to overcome anyway. I'm tired of being the smart, queit, fat, goth girl. I want to be the next Manson I want to be the new antichrist superstar. I want to show the world what true shock rock is. I want to be known as a symbol of fighting against conformity. I'm tird of being what others want me to be and I'm going to be what I want to be. that's gonna be hard for someone like me who is very malluable but it'll be worth it. I'll do anything to be happy again even if it means facing all my worst fears. I think I'll be ok. I want to reach out to others like Manson did to me. His music is the reason I'm alive it makes me feel so strong when I listen to it and I really need that. I want others like me to feel strong. I want to finally get my opinion out no matter how controversail it is. I just that I get so tired of being ignored and stepped on. That now I think I'm trying to ind a way to stop myself from being that way.

I am no longer a servile slave of my shyness now I am a hero of my concious. I know what i think is right and it's time other people listen to that opinion.

I want to be a symbol of fighting against christainity which I have grown to hate. I want protest groups everywhere I go I want televangelist preaching against me. Even though it means being the devil to some I know that I would be a savior to some like Manson was to me.

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