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Our Position Living in England |
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>D I said I was going to explain today in my previous entry, so here I am! Take note that if I might burst into tears or something by the time I reach the end of this entry, but hopefully not - I always do when I tell Em about it, apparently, but now that I'm in Year 11, I just want to make sure that telling first would be good before it haunts me again out of stress and whatnot. >>
Anyway~ Let's start with the obvious - why is Rino-chan living in England anyway? Well, the answer is pretty obvious. I never chose to come here myself, my mom never chose to come here (she wanted to go to the US) but basically, we're here because my dad wanted to make a PhD in Mechanical Engineering. The reason why I was in the US for two and a half years before was because he did his Masters, so same thing here. And I know for a fact that we came here in England on the 11th September 2004 - a mere two days after my big UPSR exam in Malaysia. ;; Scored 5As, thank heavens. -_- I was the first who scored that in my family/extended family as well, I noticed.
So yes, the reason why I'm in England is because my dad's making a PhD. But how's his progress? Good? Bad? I'll have to admit, it's not bad - it's shockingly terrible. To those who are familiar with the university system, they'll know that a typical PhD takes about three and a half years to finish. Usually, of course. Today, the date is the 8th of September - so in three days, that's it. I'll be here for officially three years. What I expect to happen was that by now, dad's working his socks off trying to get everything done, but no... his progress is worse.
There is no progress. Dad hasn't started anything yet.
That's where the problem comes. ._. You can see why it's a problem - we've been here for three years and he hasn't started anything yet. It's not his fault though. It was never his fault that he hasn't started. It's all the stupid university's fault (the university he's going to now, not UiTM that funds us to come here). If I recall correctly, my dad wanted a specific subject to make his PhD on. The subject he's been working on for more than half his life, currently up to Masters level. He wanted to progress from his Masters to his PhD, but unfortunately, the machine he needed to use for the testings (remember, he's doing Mechanical Tech.) broke down and that halted my dad from being able to do anything. Without a machine to test his theories, he can't progress at all. The university didn't want to purchase another machine - they told my dad to share with a few other students, but many wanted to use that machine, so how can my dad share? Common sense, that university is stupid.
So instead, the university told my dad to change the topic. Change the topic he's going to work on into something else for his PhD. I think he's doing it about rubber, I'm not sure (dad's secretive - I know all this through my mom who also didn't have much detail). I think that broke his spirits down. I mean.. after spending half of your life on one subject.. and when the time came for you to achieve the highest and best possible level on that subject.. surely, one would break down when they know that what they've been doing during the past half of their life would be utterly wasted and that they need to try and achieve something they're never familiar with. Same goes to my dad. He knows nothing about rubber and yet, he needs to make a PhD in it. To top it off, nobody really knows about rubber. No research has been done, no nothing. He has to learn a subject he doesn't know, with no references or teacher whatsoever. No wonder he's struggling.
Then, a few months ago, my mom said that our visa is running out and that my dad's been trying to extend it.. for my sake. She said that he looks as if he's given up on his PhD, but he wants to extend it just a bit more so that my future is secure. Right now, I'm nowhere. Here's the school systems:
Malaysia: UPSR (Year six), PMR (Form 3), SPM (Form 5), College/University
England: SATs (Year six), NCTs (Year 9/Form 3), GCSE (Year 11/Form 5), A-Levels (College), University.
See where I'm struggling? I'm a Year 11 kid now - it's my time to do my GCSEs and if I pass that and go back to Malaysia, in theory, I can use those GCSEs to enter university. However, take note that the M'sia SPM is almost ten times harder than GCSEs, but the A-Levels are twice as hard as SPM. So really, I'm might miss two of the hardest exams there is. You might think I'm skipping with joy, but I'm not. I'm scared to death to think that I might need to enter SPM. I'd prefer to do A-Levels than SPM.. just shows how tough Malaysian schooling is.
Anyway, that's the plan. But mom said that if UiTM wants my dad back, we might need to return to Malaysia, no questions, by Christmas or March. Maybe. And if that happens, I'll find myself in Form 4 (Malaysia), when it reaches 2008. Which gives me two years to study and take SPMs - the exam which is ten times harder than GCSEs (literally) which I'm doing rather well in right now.
Mom's worried that if we go back to Malaysia, I might break down and give up in education. I won't lie here - I might. So far, since I've been working for my GCSEs in Year 10, I've had nothing except As to A*s with my exams and courseworks. Nothing else. Not even Bs, seriously, and I'm working hard to maintain that position. I want to walk out of that school on the 21st August 2008 with nine As in my grasp. Make my dad proud and know that at least one of his children achieved something while we're there.. but if we need to go back to Malaysia in Christmas, I'd break down. The Malaysian language isn't my best subject and I've flipped through several SPM books before - they're tough. Mom thinks I can score it if we do need to go back, but it'll be hard work. Nightmares, literally. And.. if I need to take SPM, then that's "Goodbye Internet" for two years. I know that for a fact because I have friends taking their SPMs this year and they promised they'll still be on.. but they're not. And I understand why, because it's that tough. No time for fun and games or anything.
Let's just hope that UiTM will extend my dad's visa for a while longer. Just a little while longer. I'm going to take my GCSEs in May.. really, it's not long. Just a little way ahead and if they could only extend it until then.. then I'm happy. And my future is secured. But if I go to Malaysia, I won't lie - I won't know what I'll do. Hopefully though.. dad's trying his best to make sure that the visa will be extended. I just hope God won't pull me back to Malaysia too soon.
Surprisingly, I'm only a bit down now after writing that, but it's good to let it off my chest every once in a while. If you look at my dad, you'll never know that this problem ever existed - same goes with me, I fancy. Dad hides his feelings well and he doesn't like to open up except to my mom.. and mom's the type who needs to confess her feelings, so she always tells me. Heck, she even calls me sometimes and once I sit down, she starts her rant. It's normal. I'm like that in the sense that I hide this problem from the knowledge of most people, but at the same time, I need to let my feelings out. *pats journal* *hugs Em and mom* Let's just hope and pray that I'll have a bright future.. and that it won't be ruined because of this. ^^
Rino-chan
 Rino-chan · Sat Sep 08, 2007 @ 10:06am · 0 Comments |
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