Song: Autobahn by Anberlin.
So i think i found my new addiction today.....
I lit a candle...let it burn for a few and then poured the hot candle wax onto the palm of my hand. I sound crazy don't I? It felt good...Which makes me sound even worse I know...And i did it 3 or 4 times.....It made me feel like...I was actually alive. Cuz here i am 4 or 5 days ago, up at Justin feeling like I'm looking at myself from the outside. (does that even make sense? it does to me)...And since then i've felt like that. Until i felt some nice pain for the first time in...well awhile...its only been a few weeks i guess....
And then i started thinking about last night...And started thinking about my eating habits and stuff...and i realized that in a way i have an eating disorder. I mean obviously its not a big deal. But it was just interesting to hear them and then think about it myself. Ive always been one to watch my weight. I hate hate hate losing it. I worked too hard to gain it. Im not letting it get under 100. Especially cuz mom will force me to eat meat again and i don't want that either.
But anyway, sometimes ill be eating a meal (mostly at dinner) And i'll start thinking out of nowhere about the food...and it will make me feel sick so i stop....And other times i'll be looking at myself in the mirror and feel like i look gross. People may disagree with me...but i feel like i do. I know i don't exercise nearly enough at all...and its showing...
And then...yes there is more. I started thinking about someone. And he has a girlfriend and here i am hating her. I don't know her, shes really pretty, and i can't see him and she can. So im just like...meh about all of it and everytime i see her pic i get upset and depressed cuz i wish it was me...Gah oh well i guess.. Life goes on.
Moooooore! yes yes.
So i might be going to Royal this next school year. Im excited big time. I'll get to be with Katie everrry day. And shes already told me that she's going to laugh at me the first day when im lost and don't know what to do. I told her i loved her. Cuz i do haha.
I guess ive gone on and on enough for one day huh??
Peace.
 Drop-Dead-Dinosaur · Fri May 01, 2009 @ 01:10am · 0 Comments |
