"I already told you I'm not going to judge you." He said. I would hope not. How to start? How to explain it? I looked away from him not sure I could look at him directly while I told him. I kinda zoned out, like I was having a flashback, as I thought how to explain. He waited patiently as I tried to form words and make them come out of my mouth. He sat on the bed, and sat indian style in front of me. He waited clamly, and patiently. I sat up, and wrapped my arms around my knees and hid my head between my legs. I looked like a ball with cloths, and hair. "It happened a few years ago...around the time I had hit puberdy, and started getting a women's body." I said. I think he took in deep to the word's "puberdy" and "women's body". I think that gave a hint to him about what I was going to tell him, that was considering the expersion on his face. "I was about 13 or 14 when it happened." I said. "I was young, and pretty stupid. I didn't know much about puberdy. Me and my childhood (mermaid) best friend were going through it together. She has a purple tail while I have a pink one (I don't know why I told him that).Well her sister, her, and her parents had gone on vacation. I was left alone. I had no one to play with. I kept to my room, if not my treasure trove, where I was alone." I think he didn't like me calling myself stupid (or dissing or putting myself down period), but I was. I didn't know anything about puberdy. He didn't say anything though. Just kinda started disapprovngly."My older brother-" I said. "Wait you have a brother?" He asked. "Yes. Two older one's. There the oldest of my siblings." I said. I forgot I had never told him I had older brothers. He knew I had sisters for obvious reasons, but not brothers. I couldn't remember saying I had sisters through. Obvious for "no-duh" reasons. "Sorry. Continue." He said. Like I was saying, "Kaname, my oldest brother knew I was lonely. So when I woke up one morning he offered to let me hang out with him and one of his friends. I wanted to have someone to play with so I said sure." I told him. "My father got ill at one point during this time though. So Kaname as the oldest had to take care of the kingdom why he recovered. So me and his friend ....B...Billy...started hanging out together." Mat noticed my struggle to say the kids name. I hinted he knew this person did something to me. "Well he was very athletic...so he didn't ever seem to need rest often. And he didn't live that far from us. But when we went for a stroll once we were out in the abyssal plains you couldn't see us there from the palace. To far away. Out there that far away from the palace," I was zoning out. Mat noticed from my voice and how I was staring out the window into space. My voice sounded....dead....lifeless...cold. "you can't be seen. You can't be heard. Nothing." I swear I was having a flashback, and if this were a show it would make perfect sense. "He said he needed to rest. Which didn't make sense because he never got tierd this easily. I didn't think much of it though. Because I was young, and stupid. And I didn't think it meant anything bad."
I wish it hadn't every day. I wished so many things after that experience though. Crying, wishing, in the end it never helped change a thing.Not what happened. How it happened. Nothing. "He was sitting on a rock and told me to sit on his lap so I didn't have to stand or anything. I thought it a little strange. But as I was to young and to stupid to understand I did." I said. I was trying to control my crying and my voice cracking. I was doing good with the crying....only midly with the voice though. I think Mat was catching on at this point to what Billy did to me. Slowly, but still catching on. "Well he started...asking me funny questions....that I didn't understand. Things like 'do you play with yourself' and all that." I said. I think Mat caught dead on now what had happened. He tried to stop me completly. He knew what had happened. But I wasn't going to stop. He wanted to know so badly. He wanted to know exactly what it was about boys that made me lack trust in them. So I was going to tell him everything. In some ways I was lost in my story. To lost to stop and not finish. "Melissa, please stop...I get it...he-" He tried to say. I kept going though."Where I was so little, so young, and so nieve and stupid I didn't know what he meant." I said. He didn't want to hear anymore. But he had wanted to know. So I was going to let him know. It looked like his mind was racing, like he was thinking about something. "Then without any explenation he reached up my bra (those things female mermaids wear on there chest of course) and started rubbing them. I was going to scream. And pull away...but he wouldn't let me." He was staring at me with a horrafied and look that just said he wanted to cry for me. That's how it looked to me anyways. He wanted me to stop talking.He knew it all. He knew what happened. "He covered my mouth so I couldn't scream and he held he was to strong for me to get away from. All he did was unwelcoming. And even if I did he'd catch me in a hearbeat. He was much faster then me." I said. My voice defiantly sounded dead, cold...lifelsess. Everything about it sounded nothing like me. It sounded like a bodiless voice. Sort of like how Lelouch first appeared to me. A voice with no body or physical form or shape. Just a bodiless voice. "He touched all of my body. When he stopped he made me promised not to tell anyone. He wouldn't let me go till I promised. So I did. I didn't know what all he had done. I ddin't understand it." He shock me a little, while I stared out the window, trying to get me to stop. "He did it repeated times. And each time I got more and more scared that it would end with him rapping me. It never did though." Mat shock me a little more violently. He didn't like where I was going with this. He knew all he seemed to want to know. "Melissa-" He said. "My dad got better and my brother and him started hagging out again. Kaname never realized what ...Billy had done. I asked my sisters one day about it. Claiming I was reading a book about a girl that was going through it. They fell for it. And told me what the guy was doing." I said. "Finally knowing what he did I was scared of him. If Kaname asked if I wanted to hang out with them, as he didn't know yet what ...billy had done, I said no. My friend came back from her family trip. We started haging out again. No one suspected a thing about what he did or anything. Everything was fine. Everything...was normal." Not to Mat everything was not fine, northing was normal again.
I was definatly losing control of my voice, and my want to cry. Though I think Mat had noticed from the beigining that I was going to probably cry or something. "Then my friends sister....starting dating the boy. Hell struck. I only found out because my friend was staying at my house, and we were awake when everyone else was asleep. " I said. "If it wasn't fear that struck my head I'm not sure what it was. My best friends sister was dating this boy. Though I had never cared much for her sister I still cared enough to feel she needed to know. But then I remembered that he made me promise not to tell anyone. I had always been a person of my word. He was stronger, and faster then me. I was scared to know what he would do to me if I told." "Melissa, stop I get it." Mat said. No. You wanted to know so bad. "I thought that he could hurt my friends sister though if I didn't tell her. He could rap her...harass her or something. And when he did, and I didn't tell her...I'd have a guilty concious. I didn't want a guilty concious though." I said. "So I told my friend everything that happened. But I wanted her to promise not to tell anyone. Because I didn't want people to judge me or anything. I think she was concerned for me as well. Because she told her mom, and sister. They told my dad. Dad being as rash as he always is had the kid arrested. I think he's still rotting away in that damn prison." I was crying now.
"Only my family, her family, and the boys family knew what happened. No one else did. My dad made it to where me and my siblings didn't seem to talk about it. In fact no one even bothered to explain what he did to me. Why he did it. Nothing. They just moved on. I was still hurting though. And Kaname, he's always been my favorite sibling, noticed it. Anytime he came near me I'd get scared and back away from him. He was a boy. And sense that experience I had lost trust in boys. I could still get crushes on them, but if I did I'd push it away." I told him. "Kaname proably wanted to talk to me about it, but he knew I wouldn't let him. Because he was of the sex I was afraid of now. The one I wouldn't trust. I kept to my room. No one could get me to come out. Kaname tried to get dad to talk to me about it. But my dad nor any of my siblings really knew how to explain any of it to me." I hid my head between my legs again. I had been afraid of my own brother, and my favorite one at that, for a long time. "Gradually I started to come out of my room more, but I still wouldn't talk. My sisters and brothers had said that I had become to quite. To isolated. My best friend even notied changes in me. And any time my sisters and brothers...my friend...or anybody that knew what happened looked at me...it was like....they didn't see me. They didn't see an innocent little princess. They didn't see a girl who'd been a victom. It was like they were judging me." I cried. "AND THERE'S NOT A DAY THAT GO'S BY I WISH IT NEVER HAPPENED! THERE'S NOT ONE DAY THAT I DON'T THINK ABOUT IT! THAT EXPERIENCE HAS HAUNTED ME FOR YEARS! I JUST WANNA FORGET IT! BUT IT WON'T GO AWAY!" "Melissa..." Mat said. From the cornor of my eye I saw him reaching out to hold me, but he wasn't sure if he should. So he was going slow and easy so not to scare me. I wished every day that memory would go away. I never wanted to remember that horrible experince. But I had...everyday. "He...violated you." He said. Mat slowly took me into is arms. "There not judging you." He whispered. I threw my arms around him. If they weren't judging me then what were they doing or thinking when they looked at me. "I haven't trusted a boy sense...I couldn't find it in myself...or bring myself to." I said. I didn't really pay attention next to what happened. I think Mat was petting my head. I'm wasn't sure. I cried for some time. I wasn't sure how long I'd been crying. All I know is I apparently cried myself to sleep. Because before I blocked everything out, and everything was dark.
To be continued in Chapter 53...
