I'm running on about two hours of sleep a day lately. My son has pneumonia. He can't breathe very well and often times his lips turn blue because he's coughing so much or because of the fluid that's built up in his lungs and he can't cough it out. His face is constantly flushed from the high-grade fever. I stay awake at night to watch him sleep. I want to make sure he doesn't stop breathing. The scariest moments are when I watch the rise and fall of his sleeping form just....stop. I almost jump out of my skin, waiting for him to start breathing again. Seconds seem like minutes. I'm afraid to wake him up because he's not sleeping very much due to the coughing fits and his inability to breathe so when he does get sleep, it's well deserved. But, at the same time, what if I don't wake him up? What if I should have and didn't? When he doesn't start breathing again right away, my heart pounds against my chest, my head fogs up, a lump develops in my throat and I find myself having trouble breathing too. Everything seems to slow down. I can hear my blood rushing in my veins. I feel like a two-dimensional cardboard box that lives in a three-dimensional world. And, as I rush to his side to shake him, just when my hand is inches from touching his cheek to wake him up, he breathes! Oh, sweet alleluia, he breathes. And I settle back into my seat again. Last night, he woke up while I was watching him. He tilted his head to the side and looked at me. I asked him if he was okay, he said he was fine. I asked if he wanted something to drink, he said no. So, I told him if he needed anything to just let me know. He said, "Can I have a hug?" Yes. He can have as many hugs as he wants, even when he stops asking for them. Eventually, kids stop asking their parents for hugs. I know this. I fear this.
 Eilaria · Thu Oct 08, 2009 @ 10:08pm · 1 Comments |
