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You may not have asked for it, but you're getting it.
Leudast Jebidiah Cornwell's Ultimate Adventure.
One day, Leudast Jebediah Cornwell was cruising around in hyperspace on his plasma rocket boots when he had to stop at a red nebula. As he waited for the nebula to change, a crazy monkey alien riding a pimped out asteroid pulled up next to him and started showing off his hydrolics (YES THERE ARE HYDROLICS IN HYPERSPACE! LALALA! I'M NOT LISTENING!). This could only mean one thing: a drag race!

Leudast charged up his rocket boots as the mokey alien built up its asteroid's inertia, and they both eyed the nebula. The nebulad slowly faded to a light pink...then suddenly flashed green and they were off. The two jetted forward at the speed of light; they galloped past the horsehead nebula, whipped past Orion's belt, and finally made their way to a huge asteroid field.

Leudast must have meen crazy to go charging into that asteroid field...but that monkey would have to be crazy to follow, he thought. Leudast agilly zipped through the field, narrowly avoiding decapitation, but the monkey alien's bulky ride got pummeled and exploded into a billion pieces. As the monkey flew away, Leudast could here him cry, "Looks like I'm blasing off again..." and with a little twinkle, the monkey alien disappeared.

Just when Leudast thought victory was assured, he heard sirens and saw flashing red and blue lights. "Aww crap," he said, and tried jetting away, but that drag race had severely depleted his plasma rocket boots. With no other option, Leudast pulled out of hyperspace and came to a stop.

A mass of green plasma phased out of the car, telekinetically bringing a pad and pen with him. He hovered over to Leudast and asked, "Do you know what I'm stopping you for?"

Leudast replied, "Cause I'm young and I'm green and my hat's real low? Do I look like a mind-reader sir? I don't know!"

"Well did you know that you were in violation of three of Newton's laws? You neglected the laws of both conservation matter and conservation momentum, and exceeded the speed of light. I'm sorry, but your gonna have to come down to the station with me."

The green mass engulfed Leudast, and the next thing he knew, his was in the most infamous place in all the cosmos: space court! And worse yet, the jury was a bunch of monkey aliens! The judge, a giant oak tree, spoke out. "If there is anybody who would reject this union, speak now or forever hold your--" he was cut off as a small mouse-frog whispered something in his ear. "You mean this isn't a wedding?" the mouse-frog whispered something else. "He did what!? Damn! We gotta lock this guy up! Is the jury ready to pass judgement?"

The twelve monkey aliens each held up a white card with a number painted one it: 4.0, 1.0, 2.5, 2.89, 9.81, 3.14...etc. "Well, that settles it," the judge replied. "I sentence you to scraping the crust off of Mohabidak the Morbid for 83 years!" The mouse-frog whispered in his ear again. "What? Mohabidak passed away? Aww, looks like we'll just have to throw him in space jail..."

Leudast would not stand for such a kangaroo court! He grabbed his laser katana and charged at the judge, but even his high-tech blade could not cut through the judges massive wooden body. "Fool!" the judge bellowed. "My trunk is 999 rings thick! There is no way you could defeat me! Baliff, throw this man away!." And with that, a hippopotamus/elephant hybrid grabbed Leudast and threw him into a cell.

For seven weeks Leudast sat in his cell, contemplating a means of escape. Finally, an opportunity arrived. Slithering along the floor of the prison came a radioactive slug. It squeezed between the bars to Leudast's cell with ease, and then begn bubbling up, increasing in size and viscosity. Soon, a man wearing forest green ninja robes stood before Leudast. "Are you one of Oak Tree's guards?" Leudast asked.

"No, I'm quite the opposite," the ninja replied. "I am Tsumemaru, also known as The Radioactive Slug. I have come to take you to my leader." He grabbed Leudast by the shoulder and the two of them began morphing into slugs as Tsumemaru explained, "We also seek to take down Oak Tree. Why, in three months he will recieve his 1000th ring; then he will become invincible. You are the one that must defeat him Leudast. Only you can defeat Oak Tree."

Leudast wasn't sure what to make of this, but he was sure that it sucked being a slug. "Look," he said. "I appreciate you busting me out a jail and all, but I don't wanna fulfill any prophecies." But before he could continue, Tsumemaru materialized them back into their humanoid forms, and they appeared in the space dojo.

"110011000111001," came a mechanical voice from across the room. "Recieving...Decoding....DNA match found. Leudast Jebidiah Cornwell. You will defeat Oak Tree."

"Umm...no" Leudast replied.

"Then suffer the consequences!" Beside the computer appeared a vibrant juke-bok. "Playing track 666. Bass up. Trebel up. Volume max. Manual shutdown disabled." The next thing Leudast knew, he was on his knees covering his ears. "I KNOW A SONG THAT GET'S ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES..."

The grotesque noise continued for hours in an endless loop, but Leudast wasn't about to give in. If this thing was a computer then it would have to have a power supply. He did notice an indestructable power line running along the floor. His eyes followed it, and it led to a plate of bacon, eggs, and sausage. "Of course!" Leudast shouted. "The computer runs on animal based energy supplies! That means..." He looked across the room and saw a plate of waffles. All he had to do was insert one of those in the computer's disc drive and it would be destroyed.

He leapt for the waffles, but Tsumemaru jumped in his way. "I will not allow you to defeat Master Brain Control!" he yelled as he delivered a swift kick to Leudast's gut.

"And I won't allow this racket to go on" he replied, reaching for the salt laying next to the bacon, eggs, and sausage. He hurled the salt at Tsumemaru, and the radioactive slug began writhing in agony.

"Gah! You've doomed us all! Once Oak Tree get's his 1000th ring, he'll sieze control of the galactic council!" With that, he exploded and slugs rained down everywhere, coating the room in radioactive green slime. This was just the boost Leudast's rocket boots needed, and he took off into the cosmos to see what other adventures awaited him.

Will Oak Tree sieze control of the Galactic Coucil?
Will Leudast defeat Oak Tree?
Will That monkey alien want revenge?
Will Leudast get bad luck for spilling salt?
Find out in the next action-packed episode!






User Comments: [1] [add]
Ume Makoto
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Sun Oct 15, 2006 @ 04:06pm
::Snicker:: YAY STAR WARS REFRENCE <3333 AND POKEMON!

Star Wars is better though biggrin .

Mike, I serously DON'T know how you come up with s**t like this. Thanks for getting me back in a good mood heart


User Comments: [1] [add]
 
 
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