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as well as sarcasm. as you can see, i have no life. so i shall post away with whatever is on my mind.
i think i'm gonna say the F word a lot less. like, it's not a resolution. it's just that i've found myself just saying it less anyways and i've been saying damn instead. or fricken. anyways, yeah, that's just a thought. i may start saying it a lot again, but for now it's nice to be slightly less vulger.
ugh, i'm never gonna go home after school now! my fricken sister guilted me into joining mock trial. don't get me wrong, i'm always up for getting extra credits for school and it's gonna be good for college, but for real, now i have mesa, basketball, band, and mock trial! how many extracurricular activities can i honestly have in one semester?!
yeah, random complaining. OH! i finally got that survey i've been craving!
you know what? screw this happy random post. i feel like bitching right now. here we go:
so today i was at my cousin's house helping him wash his dog after goin to jack in the box. my dad dropped by to pick me up at around four and i got to the house to see that my mom's car was gone. so i asked my dad, "hey, where's mom?" only to find that she was at the mall with my sister.
here's what bugs me a lil, though. she always wants to be with my sis. she always plans these mall trips and hanging out times with my sis. they go to the movies all the time and they go hang out and have lunch and breakfast together. and then she used to do the same once in awhile with my brother. but now, all she ever does is focus the world on her work and my sis.
i dunno. call me a jealous brat, but that's annoying. my brother used to complain about that with me, but now he's gone to just playing video games and ignoring us all day. and now i'm starting to think about everything.
i mean, it's like this. for so long this year, i've been wanting to make my dad proud of me, hoping that we'd fight less and that this would be an awesome year. still, every game we lose and every time i get a B, my dad acts more and more disappointed. now i'm wondering how proud my mom actually is of me! she always praises my sister for her big words and how athletic she is. my dad's always doing the same, just more obnoxiously. they both complain about her to me when she's not around, but when she is, the world revolves around her. but why can't they be proud of me?
honestly, i think that my mom's just kinda sad that after so many years of having a "normal" daughter (who she never thought was quite normal) she found out that she was different. i think my mom sees me as a son and doesn't wanna do stuff with a son because she can't dress me up in "pretty" clothes and get our nails done. when i think like that, it makes me worry that perhaps she's ashamed of me. maybe i can play music as beautifully as possible, i can play basketball as good as i can, get the highest grades i can, but i'll never be as good as ash because i'll never have a husband and i'll never have my own babies and i'll date a sweet girl instead a gross boy.
i dunno. i think i'm just kinda jealous that they always hang out and my mom barely talks to me some nights. i guess i should get over it. it's just that, sometimes it's hard to accept that you're mom can love you more in words than in actions.
 the_forgotten_thought · Sat Jan 03, 2009 @ 08:51am · 0 Comments |
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