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really, i am. i'm ******** sick of my life. the sad thing is, it's still summer and i'm already full of angst. i can only dread the next few months of my life.
good news of the day? albert's coming back! the boy that i love and have missed for ages is finally returning from the hospital! and i'm gonna steal my gramma's wheelchair and race him!!! haha.
ok, now that i'm done giggling like a school girl about my ridiculous not-so-spontaneous shenanigans, lemme explain why exactly i'm sick of my life. it's nothing new, actually. in fact, if this is just another recycled rant, just remember no one's keeping you here so feel free to click away (though my amazing personality and cynical charm might convince you to stay, if nothing else for a sadistic laugh.)
i'm just so tired of all these fakes (pardon my holden caulfield tendencies) that surround me! honestly, i welcome bitches and assholes to argue and hate, because i would rather hate someone for who they are than have to face another condescending d**k wad who thinks that if they're nice to my face, i won't hate them for the disgusting creature that lurks beneath their oh-so-angelic persona. it's a vile waste of communication to be with people like that, yet every friggen holiday or vacation, i'm stuck with them!
my madrina (spanish, for lack of better term. i guess godmother in english, but she's also my cuz) always expects me to spend a week with her at her house in rich-ville, california just because she wants to prove that she's an amazing person. yes, flaunt your money. it totally compensates for your lack of actual personality and love, nina. well, this year she wants me and my other cuz (yeah, i have quite a few of those) to go the week before my school starts. the thing is, whenever i go, i sleep in til, like, 9:30 every day, and i can't get back home and expect to wake up at 5:30 the next morning! that's ridiculous. not to mention all the homework i have to finish and other preparations that one must concern themself with the week before school starts! it's ludicrous to believe that i'm open for LEAVING TOWN then.
then whenever i see her in person, she always calls me a brat. uh, right. i'm totally a brat in comparison to you. my parents ALWAYS bought me exactly what i wanted and ALWAYS supported me and i had EVERY OPPORTUNITY to do whatever i wanted. give me a break! i mean, i may not be the best-behaved kid in the world, but i'm far from a brat, and i'm sorry, but there's a huge difference between a term of endearment and someone just calling you names for the hell of it. it's not even like she's always done that. it wasn't until i turned a pre-teen and started realizing that just because she takes me to disneyland every summer, i don't love her for who she is. does one really become a brat when they begin to think for themselves?
and i swear, everyone uses the "family" excuse. you have to do something for your family, even if you never see them and if they think they're better than you because they have money. the thing is, i don't wanna center my life around people who don't even know me. i'm a much different person than i was even last year, yet these people are judging me from things i did when i was five or eight, or even three! that's not ME anymore. that's just a baby, as far as i'm concerned. but that's all they can ever see me as. because i'm the youngest of this generation of the family tree, they all can't get over their initial impressions of me. i'm never gonna be a person to them. and i hate that so much.
you're a family when you love one another for who they are. you're a family when you can be open and honest. you're NOT a family when you're two-faced and try to buy love. i know that i wanna be rich when i grow up and provide a comfortable (and in my dreams, even cushy life) for my kids, but i would never let money get in the way of actual bonding. this is just stupid, but it's controlling them.
i wish school would just start. i wish my summer assignments were done with. i wish albert would be back already and that we could hang out and be stupid.
well would ya look at that. i've finally figured out the secret of wishing: if you make them inevitable, you'll never be disappointed.
 the_forgotten_thought · Thu Jul 29, 2010 @ 06:38am · 0 Comments |
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