i feel so alone in my house. it's really stupid. i hate how i feel so betrayed even after we all make up. it's like the way you feel when you've been stabbed in the back and never want to put trust in someone's hands again. it's like all they wanna do is smash it- make the world you once knew so well crumble to dust like a dirt-clod. and i felt so bad today, because i jumped jerry and zach and i hurt BOTH of their lips (cuz i did it at separate times)
and i hate how people ACT like their afraid of me. i'm not evil. i'm not gonna go around and kick some b***h's a** just cuz i feel like it (and yeah, i usually feel like it) and i'm not usually gonna cause you bodily harm on purpose, unless i have a damn good reason. but still, so many people make me feel bad as if i'm just here for destruction.
then there are all these stupid girls who know that i'm gay and "fall in love" with me! i mean, there's one and... ok i was a lil turned on by her flirting (god i love peircings!) but, like, most of the time i'm just really annoyed by it all! and then they all wanna start drama. i got drama! why do they think i hate my house?
then there's all this ******** pressure i've got. i have a ******** mesa day and then some stupid mock trial s**t next month (which is where the only girl i'm willing to go out with is from) and then basketball, which isn't stressful but it's really time consuming.
and i wish it were summer so i could just call my friends any time of the day and get outta my house and do s**t no matter what. but it's not. hell, second semester BARELY started! and i just feel like s**t.
my parents ******** suck. my sister's being extra bitchy. people are ******** with me. i AM SO READY to kick someone's a**, but i won't cuz i don't wanna get kicked out of everything and... it's just really annoying right now. what's most annoying is that no one's there anymore. no one reads this, no one listens to me. i just wish i could always be with jerry and zach cuz it's so fun just being able to be shamelessly stupid and have a bunch of fun without worrying like the girls do. i just wish the weekend weren't about to end...
 the_forgotten_thought · Mon Jan 19, 2009 @ 05:38am · 0 Comments |
