i don't want people to be mad. i don't want them to misunderstand my decision. but i also don't want you to be confused. i'm writing this here so everyone can see just why i made my selfish/stupid/whatever-you-wanna-call-it decision.
this was perhaps my best relationship. as i the minute you said yes, i have liked you since the eighth grade. i didn't lie. the problem is not that love fades. it's not a fountain from which to quench our thirst for companionship. or, at least for me it's not.
i'm not a well to fill your bucket and i'm not a fountain to toss in pennies of hope. i'm a gyser. i have explosions of love and shower you in it, or at least i try to. and it's beautiful while it lasts. but eventually it falls back into the ground, only to spur up again.
i didn't stop liking you and i couldn't stop loving you. i never saw you and it killed me that i couldn't. i felt so useless most of the time. i felt like i wasn't good enough or that you didn't deserve someone as bad as me. regardless of what you say to deny that or to give yourself hope, the fact is i can't change. i will always think that about myself. i will always fall back into my hole only to gush up in another burst later. it's not fair that you should have to wait for me to come back up from it.
enough of my metaphors. i'm sorry i broke up with you, but if i could take it back, i wouldn't. i don't wanna hurt you or be mean, and that's exactly why i did it. if i can't love myself, how the hell can i ever love someone else properly?
i still wanna be friends. we've been friends since the first day of seventh grade when mrs. wuytens sat us next to each other. since then we've laughed together, made ridiculous jokes, done crazy things, and i guess let our love for one another expand. i don't wanna lose THAT relationship. but i have to let go of our girlfriend and girlfriend relationship. i'm just not meant for them.
i'm sorry.
 the_forgotten_thought · Tue May 04, 2010 @ 04:07am · 0 Comments |
