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well, today was... alright. i always manage to find a way to let my inadequacies get the best of me, though, and end up wildly depressed. apparently the criptic reason my long time friend has to leave my high school is not her best friend, but rather me, who her mom hates so much, she transfered her to another school. stupid, right?!
in other news, i finally got to see one of my friends who i haven't seen since he graduated! oh, how i love him, too. i saw him in the gym at the end of marching band practice and almost scared the crap outta everyone! i swear, the drum major no sooner said, "bands dismissed" than i began running. and i'm not talking like, joggin a lil bit. i went at a full sprint for that man! haha, i missed him so much. he's really cool. but he seemed sorta quiet. guess it's been awhile.
however, after lunch, my day started going downhill quickly. sectionals was total bullshit, considering the new co-section leader's goal was to find some freshman who twitched a lil more than he should in order to make us all condition. thankfully, they all got their s**t together. but still, that shouldn't be the intent of a leader; they should want success, not failure.
then i literally dropped the ball at practice. a lot. i felt sorta shitty. and i swear, i had the closest thing to an asthma attack that a non-asthmatic can have. i couldn't breathe at all at one point and had to walk (haha, since i obviously couldn't run) to the bathroom. ugh, i hate my lungs!
well, at least i was complimented (well, indirectly). i now HAVE to come to band every day in order to help some kid who can't count his rests in music because (ha) i'm the only loser who actually bothers keeping time. go figure. my one discipline.
it's ******** bull. i keep getting fed up but i can't stop. and i won't even let myself stop at this point. it's almost aggrivating how i keep having to stay busy. but i don't wanna turn into a depressed wreck like my mom. i wanna continue distracting myself so i won't have so many god damned nights thinking of him and missing him and wishing i were with him and singing to him and reminding him of all the factors of life that i continually am forced to remember him by. even the ******** song makes me think of him. it's ridiculous.
i guess i just let myself get attached too much. you'd think after a heartbreak like losing my mom's love, i would learn that this sorta thing is a waste of time; people leave your life and you just gotta deal. but this guy is different. he didn't stop loving me. he just had to stop being there.
 the_forgotten_thought · Wed Jun 23, 2010 @ 04:58am · 0 Comments |
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