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yeah, i'm not doing so good at sleeping. like, when i do sleep, it's not a good sleep. like, i have those adhd dreams where not only does it jump everywhere in my life, i wake up with aches and in different positions. i mean, like, i had pulled one of my leg muscles in the middle of the night earlier this week. what does that say?
i dunno. i guess i'm having problems. i mean, i think i'm semi-consciously over reacting. like, it's like this. i don't like going to church. i'm not doomed to hell cuz of that or anything. but this week, or rather last sunday, i was reminded why i don't like it. at the end of mass, they talked about voting no on prop 8 which, if you don't know, is the proposition in california to take back their gay marriage liscences and no longer allow them.
they're just being paranoid lil crack addicts. and i've learned that so many people who go to church are drug/ex drug addicts. i mean, party-ers. even my church's deacon went to rehab before joining the church. i mean, my parents half the time used to think i was on drugs/in need of birth control/emo/whatever other negative teenage thing ever except gay cuz that's far too unholy. but maybe it's the environment they force me in that gives them these preconcieved ideas that something's gotta be wrong with me.
yeah, i'm not just gonna be typing because of my church. too many church-bashers anyways. so how about this: i'm getting depressed again. i mean, i'd say it's like a period thing, but it happens at least 2 times a month. i don't even know why i get depressed. i just do.
people like to complain to me ABOUT me, i've realized. i mean, one will say that i'm not as fun anymore, one will say that i'm not smart. people are complaining that i'm being myself. i mean, if they don't like who i am, can't they just leave me alone? it's obvious they onlywant me half the time, so why don't they go ******** off while they wait? then never return to me so i can forget them like always.
i dunno. maybe it's just insomnia this time. but i'm low on energy, get highenergy every now and then, get paranoid out of no where, feel ready to burst into tears at the drop of a dime. it's practically bi-polar.
i know. i just need to sleep. forever. for an entire day. just sleep and not wake up until i'm ready to face the world; until my cucoon has whethered all of the problems and can finally release me into the new world as a new self.
but that's not gonna happen. i want lots of medication right now. oh well. good night. i love you.
 the_forgotten_thought · Sun Sep 21, 2008 @ 06:52am · 1 Comments |
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