goddamnit! i was HAPPY! why do people always have to ******** up my happiness?! i was doing so well at learning to chill and let things slide. but now, nah. i'm so ******** pissed it's not even right. damn, i'm so pissed off. i can't even control myself. i wanna get my baseball bat and ******** destroy the world! i wanna demolish every institution that's ever shown me any form of hatred or discriminating anger! i wanna burn every ******** school i've ever gone to! i wanna bash in every skull that's ever concieved the idea of ******** with me! i swear, i wanna do it cuz right now, i could do something crazy and not even feel any form of remorse.
as i sit here typing, i'm using all of my self-restraint to not hit the keys too hard. why do i have to be like this so near the holidays? i wanna stay away from my grandparents and stay in el centro all break because i don't want them to see me as this cynical little troubled kid. i wanna be away from my parents. i wanna protect them from any harm i may potentially cause them, because i'm not even playing, i'm ready to sock my dad in the face and just... well, i could go on from there, but that would get a little graphic.
i don't want people to read this and think that i'm insane. i'm not insane. i'm pissed. there's a subtle difference. everyone is ******** with me right now, i have a DAMN good excuse to feel this way. but at the same time, i wanna stay perfect; i want my parents to not go back to thinking i'm stupid or demonic or beyond help. i don't want them to give up on me like they used to. i'm finally back to being a priority!!! i'm back to feeling loved. why does everyone wanna ruin that for me? including my dad. why does he suddenly wanna piss me off? does he realize it?
damn. ******** the world. i'm getting my bat, i'm ******** up the fence (can't get me for ruining my own property) then i'm gonna drown my pain in advil (we're outta tylonal.)
 the_forgotten_thought · Sat Dec 20, 2008 @ 04:38am · 0 Comments |
