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yeah, last time i posted (like, what, an hour ago, haha) i didn't even tell you guys why i was pissed. yeah, i prolly should before anyone worries.
every ******** one is tryin to screw me over!!! ok, now for real. ok lemme start with the easy part. my school is holding me down. they have the schedule thing where they have require one semester of health and one of intro to computors. however, they screwed up, put too many people in one of the intro to comp periods, and now not enough people can get into health. as you can guess, i'm in that period. so now i'll have to take one semester of health in either my junior or senior year because my sophomore schedule will be packed.
now i know you're thinking the obvious answer, right? talk to your councellor to help change it. tried it. my councellor only wants money. i can tell because she's done nothing to help anyone, and from what i've heard, she doesn't change schedules and tries to hide the truth from students in order to keep from doing any work. ok, lemme rephrase that: from what i've heard and seen. b***h isn't gonna help me.
there's teh more complicated option of having my f*****t a** parents come in and try to talk to the school about it. afterall, they're doing the exact opposite of what a school is supposed to do- only those failing intro to comps are getting into health, so theyr'e technically rewarding people for being lazy dumbasses! however, as i stated countless times in the past, my parents suck. i brought it up earlier this evening and all that they said was "... that's not right." my response: So can you go talk to them about changing it?" "just use you councellor" "she didn't do anything about it." "*shrug*"
who the ******** shrugs when their kid is being deprived of a fair opportunity for acquiring the required credits?! you're supposed to b***h! and people wonder why i've always been rebellious? i have no voice but it's better to scream and yell as if i do than be represented by no one!!!
then again, these are the same parents who think i'm a stupid anti-christ. damn, i hate how stupid they are sometimes. i hate how hypocritical they are. i mean, they're more hypocritical than you're average person- i've seen better people in a ******** church!!!! churches are full of liars and posers. anyways, so yeah. as you can see, our relationship, though it was improving immensly, has started once again to deteriate before my eyes. i dunno. i think-honest to god this is what i think- it's cuz of basketball. i know what youre thinking: you guys were closer once you joined. they were actually proud of you! well, they were proud until we lost three games in a row. when i'm on the court, i have fun. i care about the score, don't get me wrong, but i care about having fun while being serious. when i get home, i know that they don't feel the same. no, i lied. i know my DAD doesn't care about how much fun it is. when it comes to ME (not ash, me) it's win, or nothing.
it's just, when everyone's out for you to fail, you get kinda used to the idea that it's not the end of the world. my ******** english teacher said in front of the class that i COULDN'T be a teacher because IT'S TOO HARD FOR ME. i know what it takes to be a teacher. my moms' wasting her life being a teacher rather than being there for her kids. then she's knitting like a ******** old lady because it's her escape from the world- the world i'm stuck in. she's either acting selfish or stressed every ******** minute, and i'm getting sick of it. but yeah, so how dare she say it's too hard. HOW DARE SHE SAY THAT IN FRONT OF MY WHOLE ******** CLASS! THAT'S NOT ONLY MEAN TO SAY IN GENERAL, THAT'S MESSED TAHT SHE SAID IT TO HUMILIATE ME!
i have one person, maybe, who has high hopes in me all the time. i don't know who that is, but all i know is that there has to be at least one person who gives a damn about me and my future and my happiness. hell, even if there's not, i've still got god, who obviously wants me to feel like my life's worth something. i keep barely dodging white cars who run stop signs whenever i walk. last night was too close for comfort. but these signs must be telling me i'm getting close to death to remind me taht i'm worth still living, right? oh please, if anyone responds, at least tell me i'm right about that. i don't wanna think God's just messin with my head.
but yeah. that's why i'm so pissed. sorry i didn't include taht before. i took some advil and listened to music so i'm a lot calmer. anyways, if you actually read this, maybe youre that person who i'm living for. or maybe you were supremly bored. either way, thanks for reading and making me feel as if i have a purpose. i love you. i may not know you if your reading this, but trust me, i love you.
later
 the_forgotten_thought · Sat Dec 20, 2008 @ 06:08am · 1 Comments |
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