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ugh, have you ever sat around and just hated yourself. like, not hated your life, or you're appearance, but hated that person you see when you look beyond the mirror and stare into the face of the b***h within? last night, i was thinking about how much i hated my life but then i started thinking a lot and i realized that i wasn't angry at anyone in the world. i was sitting in my bed, close to tears as i stared at the wall, but i thought of WHY i had once hated these people. and that's when it hit me that it was myself that i couldn't stand.
seriously, i was just sitting there, thinking of how much i hate myself, but wanting to cry cuz there was nothing i could do to change me!
anyways, so i got up this morning trying to analyze this dream where everyone was with me and we were all hanging out and causing mayhem (as we do when everyone can actually hang out) and i started getting ready to chill with everyone.
it started with me chillen with natasha, zoe and tasha's nephew zacary. zacary loved me! it was rediculously cute!
then me and jerry went to the mall, called zoe and zach, and all chilled until i had to leave at 4:30 for church.
after church, zach and jerry called me to go to the roof. of course i went! and we found this flag-like thing that we hung up as a sign that we were there that no one else would get. haha.
then, remembering that i had money, we went and bought ice cream. the guys are such awesome dorks. we jumped on each other, locked arms and skipped (yeah, these are my straight friends!!! haha) and while zach went to his house to get home in time, me and jerry went onto a random lawn and played on a trampoline! we're all so stupid!
anyways, we ate the ice cream while watching pineapple express and i just got home. the point of the story is, though, that this day is exactly what i needed after hating myself! i mean, nothing's a better cure to depression than chillen with the guys. i love them so much.
dude, i dunno if i'm starting to love that i'm a girl or starting to wish more that i'm a boy! but it doesn't matter too much. i mean, no matter what, i can't change what i am. i can't change i'm smart, i can't change i'm a b***h, i can't change any of it. but at least i have some great friends who love me no matter what. (corny ending, but that's kinda what my day has felt like!)
 the_forgotten_thought · Mon Jan 12, 2009 @ 06:23am · 0 Comments |
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