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this has easily been the worst weekend of my life. like, no question about it, this weekend, depsite it's ups and downs, definately sucked on anyone's standards, no matter how much i tried to keep to the bright side.
i find that lately i've been walking around with a goofy smile always on my face, but today, it's been washed and faded, and i fear that it may be awhile before it's genuine glow returns. no, i'm not trying to be overdramatic.
so it started out with me going to my lil cousin's b-day party. that wasn't too bad. in fact, minus the red ant attack, it was hella fun. i mean, went swimmin in a lake, gotta meet some fam (which wasn't my fam, but relatives of my cuz's, so it was cool) and there was a huge storm that made the power go out!
but then i got home that night. mom and dad were outta town, and there was my drunken lil sis and her equally enibriated lil friend drinkin. i had my first entire wine cooler and cigarrette. what joyous memories.
then yesterday on sunday, i went to the mall with my friends. that was pretty cool. and i got to see my pregnant friend again, and i've missed her so so so much! she's still a kid, but happy as hell despite the lil thing growin inside of her.
but now i'm here, today. today has sucked insanely. my bike got stolen, i bought a game and it doesn't work (which makes a grand total of 110 dollars wasted. at least i can return the game =/) my sis and i got in a fight and she slapped me across the face and laughed. i hate her! i wanna hurt her! my gosh...
and it's been a long time *cough* a month *cough* but suicide seems increasingly tempting. i want it. i want the beauty and grace of it all- falling from a bridge and the world goes into slow motion. my body crunches and the sidewalk molds into my shape, hugging me in the way that death's held me for so long. it's been keeping me in it's longing embrace, trying to steal away my spirit. and i think i'm finally willing to give it up. my life isn't worth this all. what could be so wrong with giving it up? it'll be beautiful. it starts with my love- the bridge. and it ends with my love- the cars that run over me, not even realizing that i'm there. cuz i'm not. i don't exist. i suck.
 the_forgotten_thought · Tue Sep 08, 2009 @ 03:00am · 0 Comments |
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