|
|
|
well, i have a lot to report. i mean, A LOT. unless you're ready for an essay, i suggest you get the hell outta here. haha. just a quick warning.
anyways, i guess i'll start with my crazy obsessive 2nd ex gettin in touch with me again. apparently she wants me to come to her birthday party; an all girls sleep over. i know what you're thinking. "well, jessi, what could be so wrong with going over to spend the night at the house of a psycho chick who still harbors feelings for you?" ...nuff said. haha. but just in case you don't get the hint, apparently one of her friends is also a new member of the jessi fan club.
i say another because i just got some [hopefully] drunk text messages from my bisexual male friend (who knows damn well that i'm gay) that he loves me and i make him smile. there's no way for me to break a straight heart. at least with a gay heart i can give them a shot and give them the opportunity to hate me (which only one ex has so far. my last ex i actually loved so she can't hate me no matter how much i break her heart) so i feel kinda bad about that.
anyways, onto topics that don't involve me getting both creeped out and flustered because people find me attractive and nice, my friend had a religious experience! i mean, this insanely adament anti-christ actually went to a church and liked it!
not to be mean, but i honestly worry how long itll last. for me, it didn't take long for me to realize that you can love god but hate the institution of religion...
well, i think i'm failing math, but i should be passing everything else. despite that, though, i think my life is ********. my mom's insane and has been crying for no reason, my dad gives her all of his patience so has little left for me, my sister is, well, a b***h, and my brother has been stayin from the house. i'm getting really annoyed with it all. yet i can't get this stupid smile off my face.
maybe that's what people like about me.
anyways, i was thinking, is the reason that adults and people encourage young adults to write in a journal because they honestly don't wanna hear them talk in real life? i mean, think about it: if you write in a journal, you get used to the idea of not talking about your problems to people, but instead just write it all out. in doing that, you leave all your problems away from them and let them wallow and whine in their own pathetic lives while you struggle with your problems deep down and on paper. that's not fair! and that's how kids get ******** up like me. they get used to the idea that no one wants to hear their problems, they fall in love with the idea of suicide, and then out comes your typical teenage angst. good job there, adults.
yeah, suicide has been seeming more and more lovely these days. but see, you gotta see it through my eyes to understand it. it's like this, just picture being on an overpass, standing on the ede watching cars and trucks pass beneath your feet. suddenly the world goes into slow mo as you take a step. the concrete crumbles beneath you and molds into your shape, as if signifying the arms of death wrapping you in their wcold embrace. it hurts for a second, but if the job isn't done, the cars wwill save you and send you home. blood splatters like petals along the highway that's become your grave.
it all just seems so poetic and lovely.
yeah, i prolly need a therapist. haha. well, thanks for reading if you actually bothered to! unlock your journals and i'll take a few minutes to read the stuff that you b***h about in your journal too! love ya. later
 the_forgotten_thought · Sun Sep 13, 2009 @ 08:50am · 3 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
