i finally got around to talking to my dad about getting help for my anger/frustration/depression issues. i'm torn between my two biggest worries, though.
worry one: usually whenever i go to my dad for help, we plan to do things and promise to. by now, though, i'm drowning in a sea of broken promises and darkened dreams. what's the point? chances are i told him all this s**t and nothing in my life is gonna change.
worry two: what if i do get help for once? what if they give me meds? i've seen how meds change people, and i dont wanna become artificial. i wanna stay myself, and i can't help but think that without the violence and psychosis, i won't be me anymore.
then there's the part of me that doesn't care; the part that's succomb to my anger and depression and just needs a change. i need to not be like this anymore. i have to stop distancing myself from people and feeling alone but not wanting to approach people. i need to just get over what's wrong with me, and if meds are the only way, so be it. i don't wanna be this "me" anymore! no one likes her.
then how do i have friends?
they see past it, perhaps. or maybe they just try to overcome that part. it doesn't matter. i need to change.
is change always good?
why fear the unknown?
cuz there's no turning back.
i keep going back and forth about these options as my mind goes back and forth in the vicious cycle. i need change. i need my dad to do it.
now refer back to worry 1.
 the_forgotten_thought · Sat Dec 12, 2009 @ 10:29pm · 0 Comments |
