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i don't matter. i never have. and now, on top of being an unimportant, disregarded youth, i'm also the family hassle. i'm the one that causes all of the unnecessary stress, because when one person needs my parents, i'm the one who ALSO has a problem.
so i pulled a groin muscle (hurts like a mother, and if you're in basketball, it makes life pretty sad =[) and i needed to buy compression shorts to help support those muscles and all. however, when i ask my dad, he's "too tired." that's cool. i have late practice tomorrow, so i can pick them up after school. my mom was also awake, though, so i asked her what time she get's off of work. "1:30"
"Oh, cool. so then could you pick me up from school and we'll go buy me some shorts for my muscle so i can do all the plays in practice tomorrow?"
"No. I'm going outta town."
here's the deal. i have two parents (as you probably pieced together, haha) and yet both are abandoning me tomorrow to go outta town and help ONE child. one child who just needs a ride and some moral support. ONE. anyone else see the messed up math here?
ok, ok. i know that's really selfish of me. "stop being a lil kid" is prolly running through all of your minds. but consider this. i went to my parents EIGHT times asking for help because i can't stop crying or shutting down or getting so angry i punch holes in walls and NEED to buy a punching bag. i've asked for help for sixth months. the second my brother acts A LITTLE bit different and depressed, the world stops moving. gravity draws us all to him, and we all begin revolving, organizing our lives, around HIM. thanks mom. thanks dad.
today i cleaned the kitchen. i was the only one (including my parents) to do it since mid-december. yes, we are gross disgusting people. welcome to my shitty life. fast food is my best friend cuz of that. but yeah, i clean it and don't even get a thanks. i do all of my own laundry. i never ask for help in school. i never ask for them to come to all of my games. i just want one trip to big five. i just want some help for my emotional distress. but no one's there.
whatever happened to the baby of the family getting all of the love? on tv, that's all the middle child complains of. think about jan brady! cindy and bobby never had this problem. so yeah, ******** me. i mean absolutely nothing. will i ever? prolly not. is this why i have such low self-esteem? probably. can i fix my problems by myself? not while stress from school and every day life continue to pile up and up until i'm burried beneath it. the earth quake's coming and the pile's caving in. i can feel myself slowly becoming trapped from it all.
but none of that matters. not to anyone else, at least.
 the_forgotten_thought · Tue Jan 12, 2010 @ 04:54am · 0 Comments |
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