|
|
|
sometimes i think that god grants me one good day if only to prevent my suicide. then sometimes i think that god just likes messing with me, yo-yo-ing me in this vicious cycle between feeling good, feeling mad, sad, apathetic, shy, cocky, bitchy, funny, repeat. sometimes i think that god is a sadist who likes to watch his creations destroy themselves after getting bored with trying to make us nice. then sometimes i like to think that god only controls fifty percent of my life, and sometimes things that happen are out of both of our hands. i prefer thinking the last one, even if it is biblically inaccurate; i don't agree with the bible anyways. religion. people. all faith is pointless, because it only leads to disappointment. i'd rather be blind in it than be able to contradict myself and defend it.
anyways, i'm not typing right now to give you guys some sort of religious speech. as you can tell, that wouldn't be my area of expertise anyways. i'm here to talk about the day that was knocking me down over and over; following an amazing day that definatly could have made the top ten best weeks of my highschool life, even if it was only half. i feel i was given a false sense of hope in my life turning around. but yeah, let me shut up for a moment to give you an idea of why:
today, i was tired. i wasn't feeling sad or angry, just tired. but as school went on, i actually started having a lot of fun. i didn't mind school today, to be honest. but i did mind getting home. i made pancakes. i went from making piles of mush to making perfectly round pancakes in a matter of minutes! but my dad told me they were inedible (yeah, maybe cuz he ate my first three failed attempts!) then he made these potatoes, but of course i can't tell him his cooking sucks. he's "sensitive". then my sis came home. no lie, she threw a fit. i'm talking the whole enchilada (haven't heard that phrase in awhile!) she stomped her feet and jumped in anger, turning red and getting one of those annoying high-pitched shrilly voices. it was terrible. so here i am, everyone yelling and screaming and my sister throwing s**t as i'm trying to ignore it. the problem is, i'm the only person in the house who still has internet on my computer. i like to think that it's because i have good karma; i haven't done anything bad regardless of what people like to think about me. but everyone was just getting mad at me, because if i still have it, they can't figure out what the problem is (we all have the same wifi connection)
everyone blames me now. as if i honestly have the technological skills to ******** up everyone's comp and keep mine in perfect condition. i don't mind, though. it's all the yelling, then silence that throws me off. it's the dirty glances and casually thrown "i hate you"s and "******** you"s and "go to hell"s. sometimes words muttered are worse than words yelled.
yeah, god must have some things out of his hands, but at least he can keep my internet running. i really need this outlet.
 the_forgotten_thought · Fri Mar 12, 2010 @ 05:07am · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
