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all this stress has been compiling and i'm so proud of myself for not breaking down and not participating in self-destructive behavior. i think i may actually be maturing. props to me.
allow me to explain my problems, if you'd be so kind as to care. my sister got hit by a car on tuesday. yeah, i was actually worried about her, and i hurried home to see if she was ok. turns out, yes, she's remarkably fine with no broken bones and only a few staples in her head; no major damage, which i suppose should be a relief. but now she's completely fine. and she's being an uber-b***h. i mean multiply her typical self by two and you'd be only halfway to the ridiculous dictating b***h she has transformed into. the only problem is, she has sympathy on her side. my dad is actually cursing my brother's name--my dad is getting angry at his favorite child just because his "almost lost" daughter is throwing temper tantrums!
allow me to remind you this: my brother almost died twice in 2002. i almost died in 1997. my parents are still super strict on us. my sister recently almost dies and--HOLY s**t--the world stops moving. she is our new sun (and similar to the real sun, i am blinded when i see her. luckily my blind fits of rage have been growing steadily more scarce, so i've refrained from getting in too much trouble) but my gosh, i hate it so much!
yesterday i had been walking since school ended around town with my friends. after awhile, i started to feel light headed, so i got some water, thinking i was dehydrated since i had eaten only hours prior to my wooziness. well, the water didn't help; rather, i felt like i was about to puke. i was VERY far from home, though. i tried calling my parents a lot once my friends and i departed, because if i threw up or fainted with them around, at least someone would be there to call for help. i was entirely alone at that point, though. the thing is, once i finally get ahold of my mom and told her that i NEED a ride, she tells me "well, i'm busy, so you can just walk home." when i asked her to ask my dad, i heard my sister crying in the background and that was answer enough.
now comes the insulting part. my sister wasn't crying because of trauma or because of pain. turns out the internet wasn't working and she was crying that she couldn't communicate with her long distance bf. you just had a near-death experience! get your ******** priorities in order!!! i got home to find my parents consoling her in the front yard. i asked why, since it was so insignificant, no one was able to pick me up (by that point, my potential vomit was in my bowels and i felt like my a** was about to errupt, but i was angry enough to contain it and ask) and all they could do was make excuses and get angry at me for being upset that i had to walk about 24 blocks home. feelin the love.
then this morning, things only got worse. my mom was at school and i ran into my sister getting dressed. i asked her where she was going, only for her to reply, "me and dad are walking to denny's. you wanna join us?" i kindly declined and went back in to my room. well, less than thirty seconds later, i figured, eh, what the hell. so i went back to the living room and said, "you know what, i think i will go out with you guys. lemme just get dressed and brush my teeth." for the entire five minutes, my dad and sister were bugging me to hurry up and asking why i was taking forever and making them wait so long. frusterated, i told them, "you know what? i didn't know you were in such a big-a** hurry. just go without me and bring me something back" and i was pretty annoyed, cuz if you're gonna invite someone somewhere, give them the time to get ready! "well if you're just gonna invite yourself on our walk, don't waste our time by taking forever," my dad replied.
that's just the thing, though; i was INVITED! so i explained, "yeah, i didn't invite myself, ashleigh asked me if i wanted to go" only for ash to yell, pissed as hell, "well that's cuz i assumed you would be too lazy and would say no!!!" i repeated the ever-popular, "well, you know what they say about assuming, things" only for her and my dad both to yell and cuss me out and tell me how terrible i am.
god, i'm so sick of this ******** family. i hate every part of it. i hate that i'm a second-class citizen, and that i only matter when i'm in trouble, and how there aren't enough parents for me to be a favorite of one. i just... i wish i ...
i don't even know what i wish. they're just wastes of time anyways. wishes don't come true, and happy endings are only for the stories. there's a downside to everything, kiddies, and you're living in it. you may try to escape that dark cloud that follows you and tells you that life sucks in a desperate attempt to find love and happiness in your world, but your running will all be in vain, and will only let you down in the end. pain is an unavoidable factor of life, and you must learn to deal
with it by any means possible. i'm not telling you to go get ******** up. i'm just saying, if you do, i understand. because this life is hard. just don't give up, because someone cares and will forgive you for all your mistakes. even if that one person is you. don't start to hate yourself, because in the end, that's all that you've got.
 the_forgotten_thought · Sun Apr 18, 2010 @ 03:48am · 2 Comments |
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