is a mastery i fear has gotten me too far. for so long (though you guys wouldn't exactly know this as i hide nothing on the internet... well, nothing personal, physically yeah, though) i've gone on telling people "yeah, it's all good" and s**t like that while inside i'm going insane. i've recently been going back and forth writing a poem in my mind called "let's set the world on fire"
it's weird. usually i don't even intend to but my OCD mind naturally writes these insane poems (which is why my phones notepad is filled) but for some reason, i couldn't write this one. so i drew a picture. i've also been drawing more lately. i dunno, my emotional break down has brought out the creative genius in me. it's terrible. now i know whenever i have an itch to draw or play my sax, something's wrong.
but here's the problem. i really need a punching bag, right? i need something to beat the s**t outta so as to not become a danger to society, much less myself. i mean, holding in your anger is like holding in your gas; it releases a poison and kills you slowly. i must release this anger, pass this gas, go insane!
but my dad is under the impression that this'll only make me more violent. honestly, seeing how i am, it's a wonder i've maintained the self-control to not rip someone's heart out and shove it down their throat, forcing them to choke on their words and understand that they are worthless to me and only hurting me!!!
but i've realized that it's because he thinks i'm fine. like, my parents have no idea what's been goin on with me. i mean, you tell your parents your gay, and you automatically expect a change in your relationship. NOPE! they still don't listen to my feelings and i'm still not comfortable in sharing them! fantastic.
but yeah, so i'm back to savin money (cuz honeslty, i'm maybe 50 dollars from buying my own bag once i buy my bike. i think i'll buy a kid's bike cuz wal-mart's adult bikes suck and the kids bikes look cool) and i'm hopin to have my bag sometime before school starts... unless i can't find a store with one around here. then i'm screwed! haha
 the_forgotten_thought · Thu Jul 30, 2009 @ 10:36am · 0 Comments |
